You’ll recall the last time we saw the zombie dodgers they were busy absorbing several new “facts”. There was the “fact” that Patricia was eaten up by the gigantic herd of ghouls outside the farm. Then there was the “fact” that Shane was a murderer, a shagger and possibly father of Lori’s unborn baby. Then, there was the “fact” that apparently you don’t need to be bitten to turn into one of the shuffling deceased. It’s not the bitten’s infection, y’all – it’s EVERYONE’s infection! That’s right folks, everyone is infected with whatever it is that brought about hell on earth and if you don’t want to come back looking like an extra from the Thriller video you’d best exit this life with a bullet through your brain. Ah zombie apocalypse – why must you play with our hearts so?
“If you don’t want to come back looking like an extra from the Thriller video you better exit this life with a bullet through your brain. Ah zombie apocalypse – why must you play with our hearts so?”
Winter has come and gone since then but things are still frosty between Lori and Egg. On the plus side the crew do stumble across a prison which on the face of it would be a perfect place to rest their heads. It has plenty of cells, high-grade security and best of all: communal showers! Finding a way in through a yard full of walkers is going to be tricky but that’s exactly the kind of problem Blandrew Stinkin made his name solving. In a brilliant military operation incorporating those old Walking Dead stalwarts angrily shaking fences and cutting off heads he leads his troops safely into the prison where they are met by shitloads more walkers. It never rains, only bores.
“In a brilliant military operation incorporating angrily shaking fences and cutting their heads off Egg leads his troops safely into the prison”
So the last surviving remnants of humanity are chased up and down B-wing by crazed goons out for blood. In a prison of all places! Running battles are fought, that giant nause Hershel gets bitten which means we’re back in the Crimean War with Egg calling for a hacksaw to lob his leg off before he goes full Romero. Hershel finishes the episode with one fewer legs than he started it with but he may be shortly making some new friends as about half a dozen human prisoners appear and they appear intent on serving out the full length of their remaining sentences. It seems zombie apocalypse does wonders for the recidivism rate.
Meanwhile, Andrea, last seen surrounded by zombies and being saved by her sassy black friend Michonne, is still with the skank but seems to have a bad case of gal flu and is being a serious “go on without me” martyr about it. It’s probably the AIDS.
“Bitchonne is a welcome addition to a cast whose names I have to look up every time I write about them. Will prison just be an expensive way of making bad people worse? Time will tell.”
This was all right. Blandrew Stinkin still thinks all Americans talk like Rosco P. Coltrane but we can assume that’s not going to change. Those of us who read the comic book were wondering when we were going to get the prison and Bitchonne is a welcome addition to a cast whose names I have to look up every time I write about them. Will prison just be an expensive way of making bad people worse? Time will tell.
The verdict on The Walking Dead series 3 premiere: Things to do in Georgia when you’re soon to be dead.
Marks out of 10: 7.5