As we join Blandrew’s scattered disciples Bob is on his tod, up to the gills, on the piss, in the past. Daryl and Glenn come along and scoop him out of whatever alcohol mashed haze he’s in and take him to West Georgia Correctional Facility where of course everything turned out just ACE. But his present is even worse. He stands back to back with Sacha and Maggie in fog cloaked woods battling a seemingly never-ending stream of walkers. When they finally stab the shit out of the last brain they’re exhausted. Whoever knew the end of the world would be such a pain in the balls?
They’re at a figurative and literal crossroads and it’s here that Maggie chooses to go and find Glenn at the Terminus. It gives a chance for Bob and Sacha make out before he goes after Maggie and Sacha goes her separate way because she’s scared of NOT finding Tyreese (or something). But after finding a half-decent building who should she spot but Maggie taking a snooze on the street. She better get down there quick so they can fight off the attendant zombies together. That’s exactly what she does. People who need people are the luckiest people in the world. Take those other former prison inmates Daryl and Beth. He’s teaching her how to track and schooling her in the art of crossbowing the undead into the realm of the really dead. They find themselves a sweet crib in the form of a undertakers – he kicks back in a coffin while she plays the piano and sings. They bond (how could they not under those circumstances?)
He kicks back in a coffin while she plays the piano and sings. They bond (how could they not under those circumstances?)
Just then there’s a knock at the door. Who would that be? “Zombie”. Zombie who? “Zombie horde.” “I don’t get it. Oh…” Yeah, that’s right. The horde are looking to make horde d’oeuvres ¹ of Daryl and Beth and after they charge in the alpha male redneck finds himself pinned down in the embalming room like he’s in a particularly grisly episode of Six Feet Under. By the time he fights his way outside the only sign of Beth is her bag on the ground. A car drives off. Has she been kidnapped? That could get interesting (unlikely).
Later Daryl is surrounded by half a dozen human fucknuts who look like they mean him harm. They have that armed renegade look about them but their leader Joe wins him over with “why hurt yourself when you can hurt other people?” (that’s the Dalai Lama isn’t it?) and his impeccable knowledge of the crossbow Daryl is carrying. They walk off into the sunset like lovers. Beth is forgotten already. I imagine she’s being buggered somewhere. Maggie and Sacha catch up with Bob on the train tracks. Is he happy? You bet he is. He’s practically guaranteed an interracial threesome tonight. We close on Glenn finding the Terminus map. He’d better get a move on before Bob ruins Maggie’s vagina forever. In a post-apocalyptic world that really would be a fate worse than death.
The verdict: Beth Shitto.
Marks out of 10: 7
¹ Fuck you.