Ambassadors episode 2 review

True Blood Season 2 Premiere review | Bite me

Published by jamdog on 17th June, 2009.

 True Blood Season 2 Premiere review

True Blood Season 2 Premiere

HBO

Lafayette lives, like Jesus or music hall in the mind of Garry Bushell. It wasn’t him in the car in the season one cliffhanger murdered to death – it was Miss Jeanette with her heart torn out. That’s good because no one gives a fuck about that bullshitting fraud apart from Tara‘s mom and no one gives a fuck about that pisshead child abuser so hooray for Chelmsley Wood. And hooray for Lafayette who is as gay and black as ever though possibly not quite as chipper, chained like Kunte Kinte in the cellar of vamp hangout Fangtasia, along with some other chodes who seem to have reet pissed off the Pale Ones. It was the dealing V that did it – the children of the night don’t like being harvested. And Sookie? Sookie is Sookie – feisty, innocent, slutting around Bon Temps in that tight T-shirt like some refugee from Hooters. Committed forever to walk unafraid, perky as fuck, stating the frigging obvious in every situation, resolute in the hope no one brings up that she’s into fucking dead guys.

"Sookie is Sookie – feisty, innocent, slutting around Bon Temps in that tight T-shirt like some refugee from Hooters. Committed forever to walk unafraid, perky as fuck, stating the frigging obvious, resolute in the hope no one brings up that she’s into fucking dead guys."

One dead guy in particular, though he’s currently busy with another female close to his heart. It’s vamp orientation day. "We recycle in this house" 200-year-old vampire Bill "born and raised in" Compton says to Jessica, the useless teenage slutbag he sired. She strops and eyerolls like a teenage slutbag will. Being a vampire blows so far for Jessica. Bill won’t even let her hunt humans, forcing her to drink that shitty synthetic Tru Blood the humans poison their glasses with. Sookie rolls up at Bill’s, sees the skank come out of the bathroom wrapped in one of Bill’s towels and is fixing to go ballistic. There’s always some drama with that girl.

"Ryan Kwanten has a face you just want to punch and he has that unerring ability of every Australian actor to ruin any non-Aussie accent he does."

None of it involving Sam the shape-shifter though, which is bad luck on him given that he is hopelessly cuntstruck by the gap-toothed fox. He consoles himself by flashing back to being fucked senseless by Maryann Forrester (played by Michelle Forbes who, after Admiral Cain on Battlestar Galactica, plays a mean villain) as a 17-year-old. The modern day Maryann hasn’t changed much but there is something not right about that girl. She’s a vampire or demon or something – isn’t everyone on this show?

In other news: Jason is still a twat and making good contacts in the Fellowship Of The Sun, that far-right haven for Christian vampophobes. I have such contempt for Jason Stackhouse that he’s often difficult to watch. Everything he believes, everything here is, everything he does means shit. Ryan Kwanten has a face you just want to punch and he has that unerring ability of every Australian actor to ruin any non-Aussie accent he does. He’s a full on nause. I don’t care about his backstory, flaws or redemption – I just want him to fuck off.

"I’ve been through Angel and Buffy, Buffy and Spike, Angel and Cordelia, Verruca and Oz and I get it – interspecies erotica has it challenges and joys. Sucky and Shill are just a bit am dram Wuthering Heights at the moment. Individually I care about them but together? Nah."

True Blood is still good fun. I like the way that different people react to shit sucking vampires having rights, the vampire social scene makes me smile with its goths and groupies; I like Sookie, Lafayette, Maryann and I’m even more sympathetic towards Tara these days (my sympathy mainly triggered by the knowledge that she will spend the rest of her career playing assorted sassy black friends to white girl leads). I am becoming a little bored with Sookie and Bill, though. I’ve been through Angel and Buffy, Buffy and Spike, Angel and Cordelia, Verruca and Oz and I get it – interspecies erotica has it challenges and joys. Sucky and Shill are just a bit am dram Wuthering Heights at the moment. Individually I care about them but together? Nah.

Still, it’s one of the better ways to spend an hour of your TV time. I’m still on board.

The best thing about it: Michelle Forbes. She’s just mean.

The worst thing about it: Jason Frathouse

The verdict on True Blood Season 2 Premiere: Haemoglobin is the key.

Marks out of 10: 7.5

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