As a 17-year-old child Stephen Jameson (Robbie Amell) does not remember the original run of The Tomorrow People, long before his birth in a country far away. Had he, he may have been able to make some sense of the persistent female voice in his head and the night-time sleepwalking that invariably ends up in the bed of an increasingly pissed off married couple up the road. Strapping himself to the bed isn’t helping and the antipsychotics aren’t muffling the broad’s voice. To give him a helping hand one of the modern day Tomorrow People John Young (Luke Mitchell) teleports him to their lair, an abandoned subway station 100 feet below Manhattan. There he meets Cara Coburn (Peyton List the one who was banging Roger Sterling on Mad Men, not the Disney actress) the voice in his head. You’re just like us, she tells him – Homo Superior. “Like Kenneth Williams, you mean?” says Stephen. I think they’ve got their work cut out with this one.
You’re just like us, she tells him – Homo Superior. “Like Kenneth Williams, you mean?” says Stephen. I think they’ve got their work cut out with this one.
It’s quite simple, they tell him. Being born with their particular genetic mutation means a skillset of paranormal gifts: teleporting, telepathy, telekinesis, telegraph, tell-a-woman – all the major superpowers. They also exclusively reveal that his pissed mental old dad was also a Tomorrow Person – the best they ever had. Stephen is understandably sceptical but real-life demonstrations of wung fu magic from the handful of underground superhero stage school kids change his mind. Stephen used to want to kill himself. Now he just wants to kill all these twats. His uncle might be able to help with that. Jedikiah Price (Mark Pellegrino last seen as one half of a biblical parable in Lost) heads up government containment programme Ultra sworn to hunt, catch and neutralise the mutants. Jedikiah has a thing for shooting motherfuckers in the head. He tells Stephen there’s a 17-year-old Tomorrow Person tweeting nuclear launch codes and that internment for the Homos is the only way humanity can survive. After a brief imprisonment/interrogation/escape misunderstanding Stephen agrees. He puts on a black hat and starts working for The Man.
Don’t take it as any kind of insult to the show when I say that it’ll take wire brushes smeared with mustard in every orifice to make me watch episode two.
I expected nothing of The Turdmorrow Peepoo and it didn’t disappoint. The fuck I don’t give about superhero dramas is beyond fathom and shadowy government cuntspiracies also get the dick but it isn’t woefully bad at any stage and has brief moments of “quite watchable”. Don’t take it as any kind of insult to the show when I say that it’ll take wire brushes smeared with mustard in every orifice to make me watch episode two The verdict: Turdmorrow, turdmorrow, I love ya turdmorrow. You’ll ne-ver see season twwwwooooooo. Marks out of 10: 6