It’s late-night on the bridge between two nations. All of a sudden the lights go out. The cameras are merked and inky black covers everything. Confusion reigns. When the lights come back there’s only a fricking body on the bridge. But it’s OK – I’ve seen this one. Aspie super cop Saga Noren arrives with her affable sidekick Martin the Dane. They track down the Truth Terrorist to his mountain lair and punch him in the cock to foil his plans forever. It’s either that or the Fx remake of The Bridge set on the Tex-Mex border, starring Diane Kruger as Detective Sonya Cross of El Paso homicide PD as a shit Saga Noren. As with any remake or you can do is hope against hope they don’t fuck this up too egregiously.
So from the Øresund Bridge to the Bridge of the Americas we go. Also poking around the body is Detective Marco Ruiz (Demián Bichir who you’ll remember as Esteban, Nancy Botwin’s Mexican Nucky Thompson politician cum gangster on Weeds) of Chihuahua state police. He’s not really arsed about taking on another a murder investigation. “I got 9 heads in the parking lot in City Hall” he tells Sonya. He’s not kidding. In Mexico they dump severed heads on the streets like premier league football teams dump their playing squad trash on QPR – frequently, without conscience and with great relish.
In Mexico they dump severed heads on the streets like premier league football teams dump their playing squad trash on QPR – frequently, without conscience and with great relish.
But like all TV corpses on bridges this one has a surprise inside. It’s actually two half corpses placed together. The top half is anti-immigration judge Lorraine Gates. Little bit of politics there bridge killer – good work. How about the bottom half – who you got lined up there? Why it’s Christina Fuentes one of 250 girls who disappeared in Juárez, Chihuahua last year. Now it gets interesting.
You may be familiar with Juárez as the site of the real-life Maquiladoras murders. Whoever stuck those bodies on the bridge certainly seems to be. An anonymous phone call to Sonya from the prankster tells her “There are five murders a year in El Paso. In Juárez, thousands. Why is one dead white woman more important than so many dead just across the bridge?” Yeah, we get the picture son – postcode lottery. No need to start to start serving up dead skank risotto on our national landmarks. These people.
Yeah, we get the picture son – postcode lottery. No need to start to start serving up dead skank risotto on our national landmarks. These people.
Still while we digest that next of kin must be informed. When a public figure like Judge Gates has been brutally murdered it’s vital that their loved ones are told by someone with training, empathy and social skills. So of course El Paso Police Department send the one person with a disorder that prevents them empathising: Aspie rain girl Sonya. The judge’s husbland kicks her out of the one stupid question too many. “I’m sorry if I didn’t exercise empathy” she deadpans. Ah don’t worry chuck, he’ll laugh about it later.
As will we – the hearty belly laugh of the pleasantly surprised because re: earlier concerns they have not too egregiously fuck this up. It’s actually pretty decent. The Texas-Mexico border is an excellent choice. The power dynamic between two states and between the two countries makes it much more interesting than Sweden and Denmark. They stick pretty rigidly to the template of the original for this first episode and I am good with that for now. It will need to break into new territory to become the independent creature of God it clearly wants to be. Kruger and Bichir do solid work. I’ve got my eye on this one.
The verdict: Just don’t let Veena Pseud anywhere near this.
Marks out of 10: 7.5