Recently, Internet bully, Twitter Empress and occasional columnist Haitlin Moran launched a vicious and unprovoked attack on Sherlock slashficcers by forcing Beenadick Cumdumpsnatch and Shartin Freeman to read out the private diary of Sherlock fan Mildred Bobbins which she attained by breaking into her flat (and not, as Moran claimed, off of the Internet). She cackled like a loon as the embarrassed actors did as they were bid. She was firmly put in her place by Bellend du Jour Dr Crooke Magnasty for her hate crime. Magnasty used to suck cock for a living so she knows of which she speaks. It is in this poisonous environment for creatives that Sherlock returns and it is likely that if the four-storey fall didn’t fuck up his sense of smell, one sniff of the air and he would wish himself dead once again.
Magnasty used to suck cock for a living so she knows of which she speaks.
There’s a knowing nod to the Sherlock slashfic subculture with a dramatised version of the Reichenbach fall involving a make out between Moriarty and Holmes – this courtesy of forensic fuck up Anderson’s conspiracy circle jerk gathering The Empty Hearse. It’s one of three portrayed solutions to the faked death (out of a possible 13) so we can expect more to come (don’t see that getting teedy in a hurry).
If the four-storey fall didn’t fuck up his sense of smell he would wish himself dead once again.
It’s an eventful return for Holmes. Watson socks him in the jaw, Lestrade calls him a bastard, Poona Stubbs squees and the press just love him but, naturally, not as much as he loves himself. He’s spent the last two years dismantling Moriarty’s terror network and was only resurrected by Mycroft to help foil a terrorist attack on Parliament (something he does by deduction, deconstruction and flipping the off-switch on a timebomb).
Watson socks him in the jaw, Lestrade calls him a bastard, Poona Stubbs squees and the press just love him
Busy for John, too – getting engaged to Mary (Freeman’s real-life boo Amanda Abbington), narrowly avoiding being Wicker Manned in a church bonfire and being seconds from death in an underground train bomb. Oh he’ll complain but it’s obvious: he misses this like the slashfic backlash misses the point.
Oh he’ll complain but it’s obvious: he misses this like the slashfic backlash misses the point.
Tying up loose ends, dealing with the emotional fallout of the resurrection and setting up conflicts for the new series is a difficult plate spinning act and it meant that this could never rival an episode like The Great Game for sheer impact. Nonetheless it’s still witty, clever and thrilling and with Troels from The Killing (Lars Mikkelsen) as the Big Bad you have to imagine that the endgame is going to be strong.
It’s easy to take Beenadick for granted but anyone else playing Holmes now would just look ridiculous. The return is welcome and if we’re making predictions I’ll say that Mary turns out to be evil. Moffatt enjoys John’s pain a little too much for her not to be.
The verdict: Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there. No, really – I’m not even lying.
Marks out of 10: 7.5