Manchester may be a gay Mecca for many but no longer for Rich Hutchings – dead like a cunt on his living room floor. His husbland Adam found him there as dead as a Geldof after a night out on the town getting wrecked as a Geldof. Adam immediately put a revenge pummelling on homophobic next door neighbour Barry the Fag Basher, convinced of his complicity in Rich’s murder. Barry had assaulted them a few nights earlier and with Gay Rich lying stiff as Bob Geldof’s performance as Harry ‘Flash’ Gordon in 1985 made-for-TV clinker Number One on a rug doesn’t look good for Baz. It’s an open and shut case of homophobic hate crime. Barry’s going to be doing his fag bashing behind the bars of the state prison from now on.
Barry’s going to be doing his fag bashing behind the bars of the state prison from now on.
Only problem is that Adam’s also lying like a Geldof and there doesn’t seem to be an innocent explanation for that. And in addition to his gay bashing Barry also finds time to put his cock in his best mate’s wife, a hobby he was aggressively pursuing while Rich was getting the killing done to him. Shott & Failey look at each other all “surrrr… the guy we thought dun it, never dun it?” It’s exactly this kind of deduction that made them both slamdunk certs for any sergeant gig that came up.
If only their private lives were as successful. Incestuous overtures from her mother are freaking Janet out, understandably enough. As bad luck would have it Rachel’s also having mommy issues. Her shit mom Sharon turns up like a bad penny to announce she’s getting married to professional drug dealing hopeful Rufus. The inevitable slanging match throws Rachel off her game and she makes a schoolgirl error making her look a right Mister Confused. Gill tears her a new one. You can’t be fucking up when you’re a sergeant, sister.
The thing is that Rachel discovers that this Rufus character is into punching girls. And it would be incredible and professional for Rachel to just go and tell her mom. So she just goes and tells her mom. Predictably Sharon’s having none of it and if ever a woman deserved to be beaten to death then it’s her.
Back at the station Rachel snaps Adam like a twig when she gets the chance. He confesses to putting a full Geldof on his husbland. “You’re just a big gay” she tells him and he nods sobbing quietly. He should have known better than to take on Rachel Failey.
In other news Janet want a man to put his cock in her and Gill’s retiring. And apparently a thing called bearaoke exists. Manchester – so much to answer for.
The verdict: Help, help – here come the bears.
Marks out of 10: 7.5