On this week’s Reign another sexually attractive person is added to the already implausibly hot roster. A blonde fittie Francis was banging pre-Mary gets her carriage fucked over in the woods by the heathen dirt worshippers who dwell therein. Olivia is her name and while she escapes, her driver and chick companion get strung up and bled out by the savages in a weird pagan ritual much like the last one with Inspector Gadget that Bash so rudely interrupted.
Olivia is a woman of means but her name is in tatters after it got out that she was giving it up to Francis. Mary ain’t trying to hear about her staying at Casa Frog so she arranges for her to GTFO to a posh nob Paris family who will put a roof over her head, make the appropriate introductions to society and clear the unholy stink surrounding her name.
All her belongings are packed. She suggests to Francis she be his mistress. In an instant all her belongings are unpacked and moved into the east wing of the castle. Bloody hell Francis gives it up pretty quick. But then so did Olivia back in the day and with Mary’s pumpum still intacto despite the best efforts of rapey Queeny that actually counts for something.
with Mary’s pumpum still intacto despite the best efforts of rapey Queeny that actually counts for something
It’s a sickener for Mary who reacts by getting pissed at the harvest festival and making out with Bashtard and blow me if Ponce Francis doesn’t happen to be walking by as they lock tongues. Awks.
That’s going to make boning the ex all the more simple. It turns out it’s Queeny pulling Olivia’s strings. It is she who will be the next Queen of France if Queeny has her way. Queeny never liked the skank but knows she’s more easily manipulated than Mary. Olivia would certainly like to sit on that throne and on Francis’s face too so doing the chicken dance for his bitch mom may just be worth it.
Olivia would certainly like to sit on that throne and on Francis’s face too so doing the chicken dance for his bitch mom may just be worth it.
You don’t get anywhere in life without sacrifice, after all. That’s certainly been the experience of the wood pagans who are very pissed that Bash keeps fucking with their carefully orchestrated human sacrifice rituals (the nerve!) He learns this from Nostradamus who, when he’s not pissing in Queeny’s ear about his bullshit visions, is also an expert on the occult. The pagans are apparently in thrall to a monster in the woods that lives on blood. Can’t wait to see the CGI for that one on Reign’s $100 an episode budget.
He learns this from Nostradamus who, when he’s not pissing in Queeny’s ear about his bullshit visions, is also an expert on the occult.
In any event it looks like Bash is in trouble. The dirt worshipper who set up Olivia works in the kitchen and he tells him he must repay the debt incurred by freeing the dangling bodies by choosing someone for a sacrifice. How about Smelly the Elephant Girl? She’s almost human?
In other news Aylee is now a triple agent, ostensibly spying on Mary for the Queen but actually planting disinformation and reporting back to Mary. Sounds kind of bugged but I do know that this show would not lie to us. This happened.
The verdict: Fucked by the ex factor.
Marks out of 10: 6