It wouldn’t be entirely true to call Orphan Black a one-woman band but when you’ve got one broad playing the nine lead characters it’s safe to call this the Tatiana Maslany thing without misleading anyone. A freshly childless Sarah sits gloomily in a shitbox cafe but she can’t even enjoy a good wallow in peace. Two men in black Dyad Institute fucks enter prompting a confrontation that leaves the cafe’s proprietor dead, one of the Dyad men gut shot and Sarah haring away like a girlfriend of Oscar Pistorius who’s just shown up in her surprise burglar cosplay outfit. Paul tries to persuade her to come in but you know Sarah. When they made her they broke the mould.
Well, once they’ve made a dozen other copies obviously. One of whom Cosima is still suffering from the coughing up blood clone AIDS we left her with last series. Max Headroom wants her at Dyad full-time and an invite to a swanky event should seal the deal. That bitch clone Rachel will be there so Sarah, having sourced a handgun from Alison, decides to get her Cosima on and confront the dumb Brit skank. She’ll be wanting answers to questions like “where the hell is my daughter?” and “who does your hair?” or “do you ever think about lezzing off with all the other clones simultaneously? I’ll be honest, I’m not even into pussy and I think of little else.”
“Do you ever think about lezzing off with all the other clones simultaneously?”
Rachel is coy on the second two but on the ‘where’s Kira?’ question she is much more expansive. Mrs. S and Kira were already gone from the house when the Dyad crew arrived she says and hints that many people would like a piece of Kira’s exceptional DNA. Sarah seems to buy the story but is still ready to blow Rachel’s head off her perfect shoulders before an armed Paul comes in and talks her down. She KOs Rachel with her gun, smacks Paul in the chops and GTFO. The girl does love a good exit.
And get this. Hot loopy Helena has survived. She stumbles into the Saint Elsewhere Hospital for the Mortally Wounded with a “My sister shot me innit?” before slumping to the floor. It takes more than a deadly gun wound to stop this chick. Her niece Kira seems pretty resilient too, sat on a hotel bed as a mysterious abductor films her. A lifetime of guinea pigging, being smuggled over borders and assassination attempts awaits.
If you didn’t know now you know: It’s hard out here for a bitch.
The verdict: Your clone’s got a little machine.
Marks out of 10: 7.5