That gigantic tub of shit Daya is looking more bloated than usual having not taken a dump for the best part of a week. Surrogate mom Mendoza and birth mom Aleida battle to become the person who relieves her constipation. If you can’t rip the shit out of your bunged up daughter then what kind of parent are you? An incarcerated one? Say though, on the subject of dysfunctional mother figures what say we flash back to Taystyee‘s effed up childhood? Oh how desperately the young Taystyee Tay-Tay tried to avoid becoming a drug dealer, even working in the local Los Pollos Hermanos shovelling chicken foetuses out of the extermination chambers to get by. But in the end it’s all for naught as soulless neighbourhood drug matriarch Vee Parker (Lorraine Toussaint) pulls her into her dope operation. Her head for on-the-fly arithmetic makes Tays a valuable asset in the drug game and even a shitbox drug Queenpin like Vee can see that.
The good news is that such skills are transferable to the real world of work. The mock job fair that visits the prison pits her against Latina omni-holer Flaca in a completely meaningless mock interview with a scumbag tobacco company slimeball. What Flaca doesn’t realise – and Taystyee is reliably informed – is that the winner of the interview gets hooked up with a real job uh-huh, that’s right now THAT’S what I’m talkin’ about. She’s doing it for the sisters – with the beaners are already running the kitchen, the linen closet, the showers and the games room the Africans needs a boost and she’s just the girl to give it to them.
He wrangles her a new set of teeth which given the state of her yap will probably cost more to construct than the actual prison.
Back among the crackers Pennsatucky is walking around, marginally more brain-damaged than before with teeth even more fucked up. “I suppose she got a few licks in” her summation of the near fatal beating she took from Pipes. Healy warns her not to rat him out about him turning a blind eye to her attempted murder of Piper and to help keep her mouth shut he wrangles her a new set of teeth which given the state of her yap will probably cost more to construct than the actual prison.
When the big mock interview showdown happens Taystyee body slams Hot Flaca and cartwheels triumphantly around the stage in anticipation of her new employment. It turns out though that whoever told her there was a job at the end of this was more full of shit than Fat Daya but she does get a crisp tenner inserted into her commissary and for some unfathomable reason she seems happy with that. Stupid tub. Just as she’s leaving the hall who should come in but Vee. I think that’s the last thing Taystyee wanted to see except maybe a salad. What will these girls think of next?
The verdict: A job ain’t nothing but work.
Marks out of 10: 7.5