For someone who’s kept up a consistently high level of teed throughout this first season Piper’s borefriend’s radio show appearance was quite the event. Apart from making it obvious he knew Piper was banging Alex, he made sure a few other tales slipped into the public domain. Larry’s been dropping bombs like his name was Arthur Harris. There was the Crazy Eyes story, the Miss Claudette comment, Nicky and Lorna‘s relationship and then later on the phone the biggest A-bomb of all detonates: Alex actually did rat Piper out to the Feds. Well that’s going to make their lesbian sexual relationship of lesbian sex difficult. When confronted a defensive Alex list her reasons: it was time off her sentence, one of the other guys would have given her up anyway and, on the real, she was still mad at her for missing her mum’s funeral, breaking her heart all that other stuff. An awkward truce is reached. As for Larry, upon reflection he decides that now is the perfect time to ask Piper to marry him and I’ll give him this – the boy’s an optimist.
Red‘s plan to frame Mendez for rape didn’t come off initially. The miracle of barrier contraception protected Pornstache from that the first time but prisoners are nothing if not persistent. The girls fix it so that Caputo walks in on Mendez and Daya in the utility closet. “I have seen some things I can’t unsee” he comments later and the viewers right there with him on that score.
Mendez is suspended on unpaid leave as per the plan but what no one foresaw was the ubertool getting cuntstruck “I think we’re in love” he tells Bennett, unaware that it’s his child gestating in the belly of his newly beloved. You’d feel sorry for him if he was in such a ratfink. His parting shot at Litchfield is to lift the lid on Red’s smuggling operation so who knows if we’ll ever be seeing her again?
Among the other inmates the crackers are dealing with the shockwaves from Pennsatucky‘s crisis of faith. Getting chucked in psych was some Old Testament shit for her and she lacked the patience of Job. She tries to kickstart her flagging relationship with Christ by organising a baptism for Piper but when Piper refuses Pennsatucky decides that homicide is next to godliness and resolves to kill her so blondie should sleep with one eye open because Pennsafucky is crazy, yo.
The verdict: Time off for good behaviour.
Marks out of 10: 8