If you’re still being entertained by The Musketeers then it’s hard to know what to make of you. You’d be similarly entertained by a spinning top or an egg timer. The crushing futility of your existence will likely never impinge on your consciousness and that’s probably for the best. This week the Duke of Savoy visits causing a serious nause surfeit for the King. Savoy is a priggish douchebag but his principality is strategically vital in France’s ongoing cockfight with Spain. He’s also married to the King’s sister which only complicates things further. He’s in town to sign a treaty, but when some dipshit assassin starts busting off shots in his direction Savoy gets the hump and simply refuses to sign on the dotted line. The King needs his best man on the case of the mystery assassin. Too bad only the Musketeers are available.
The King needs his best man on the case of the mystery assassin. Too bad only the Musketeers are available.
And when they catch up with the dolt they find that he’s one of their own. Marsac is the name and deserting the King’s Musketeers is the game. Five years ago he and Aramis were in a troupe of Musketeers ambushed by mysterious assailants who left 20 of their comrades dead. Savoy still bears the distinctive black scar Aramis gave him in the ambush. Bit of a giveaway vis-a-vis identity of ambushers that.
Not that he gives a rat’s ass – he’s got other fish frying. Notably the very strong suspicion that his disappeared chancellor Cluzet is in a French prison. He’s right of course and when his boy Gontard discovers the whereabouts it’s a headlong rush to the prison for the Musketeers to stick an impostor in Cluzet’s place before Savoy and Gonetard get there. They pull it off with help from Savoy’s missus The Duchess tips off to the Duke’s prison visit. Gonetard looks a right nonce as a result. Nice work, sis.
In a semi-interesting twist a captured Savoy soldier Marsac interrogates tells him that Captain Treville is the traitor who sent them into the ambush. When the Musketeers interrogate Breville he takes the fifth and that rarely looks good. When he confesses Aramis socks him right in the jaw. He’s not happy about the senseless slaughter and betrayal and why would he be?
As so often the truth comes at the barrel of a gun. Marsac confronts Breville, sticking his firearm in his mush and for a moment Breville looks toasted. But as luck would have it the Craptain can explain everything. That fateful night five years ago he merely acted on the King’s instructions, orders given to protect the King’s most important spy in Savoy – the Duchess. Breville was misled, being just a water carrier in the grand scheme of things. The Cardinal allowed the Duke to believe the mission was an assassination attempt and that’s really the size of it.
Marsac got a bit rapey with Constance earlier and we don’t want this turning into The White Queen where rape culture reigns eternal.
Marsac nearly nods off at this turdly secret history and things don’t improve when Aramis turns up to pull a gun on him. A firing match ensues where Aramis kills Marsac and this is problem before the best as he got a bit rapey with Constance earlier and we don’t want this turning into The White Queen where rape culture reigns eternal.
The show is boring me more and more each week and I doubt even Milady seducing Constance could save it.
The verdict: We’re only here for the Musketeer.
Marks out of 10: 5