Mad Men season one review
In Mad Men, AMC‘s 60’s advertising drama Christina Hendricks plays Joan Holloway, femme fatale and office manager at Sterling Cooper advertising agency.
Where does one start with Christina Hendricks? From the moment you see her you’re thinking of ways to impregnate her. Her body is a walking diorama of feminine beauty, a pieorama if you will. Imagine if Marilyn Monroe really had curves. Imagine if Jayne Mansfield really had a rack. Imagine if Katharine Hepburn’s hair was really red. Imagine if Jennifer Lopez really had ass. Imagine if the young Julie Christie really was pretty. Imagine if Mae West really had ‘tude. Imagine if these qualities came together in one piece of pie. A glorious treacly, sticks-to-your-fingers, treacle-coloured piece of treacle tart warmed in the oven and served with melting ice cream. Well that pie exists. And its name is Christina Hendricks. She walks among us like a colossus, cracking flags and breaking hearts with every step.
"In Rome, men impaled themselves on railings just to attract her fleeting attention before they died. During her visit to the Orient, Chinamen gouged out their eyes on the off-chance she would want to piss in their ocular cavities."
Christina Hendricks is the woman they were talking about in The Song of Solomon. I never really understood that line about breasts like twin gazelle until now. When she swings her ass it pulls planets out of orbit. In Rome, men impaled themselves on railings just to attract her fleeting attention before they died. During her visit to the Orient, Chinamen gouged out their eyes on the off-chance she would want to piss in their ocular cavities. Her skin is so white you can’t look directly at it without going blind. Wild yak graze on the foothills of her mountainous breasts. Her belly has its own postcode.
"Sniffing her panties has the same effect that Jean-Baptiste releasing the miraculous scent did in Perfume."
She’s got something between her legs that would make a dead man come. Her pussy drips pure honey – a golden river down her magnificent ivory thighs. She is an anatomical marvel. Her body is a feat of civil engineering as impressive in its own way as The Golden Gate Bridge, The Millau Viaduct and The Birmingham Rotunda. You look at it and wonder "how can that stay upright?". Sniffing her panties has the same effect that Jean-Baptiste releasing the miraculous scent did in Perfume: The Story of a Murderer. Her cunt juice is the elixir that will bring mankind together. She is a MAGNIFICENT BEAST of a woman.
"Her body is a feat of civil engineering as impressive in its own way as The Golden Gate Bridge, The Millau Viaduct and The Birmingham Rotunda."
Anyway, back to Mad Men. It’s a show about advertising men in the early 60’s working in Madison Avenue, created by former Sopranos scriptwriter Matthew Weiner. It’s not as good as it should be but it’s still pretty good. Jon Hamm plays Don Draper the brilliant creative director of the operation who hides a dark past. Peggy Olsen (Elisabeth Moss) is Draper’s secretary, a girl with a heart of gold who becomes the first female copywriter at Sterling Cooper since the war. Pete Campbell (Vincent Kartheiser) is the horrible spoilt young upstart who fucks Peggy then fucks himself by being a slimy untrustworthy shit heel.
The period detail is remarkable. And by that I mean "every fucker smokes". Everyone. Everywhere. All the time. I’m amazed any of them made it out of the 60’s if they smoked like that. Beyond that it’s good to look at, feels authentic and is an enjoyable reflection on America’s recent past.
The best thing about it: The honey cunt of Christina
The worst thing about it: Not quite enough conflict to make it really gripping
The verdict on Mad Men: :It ain’t The Sopranos but it’ll do.
Marks out of 10: 7.5
Imagined: 16th January 2008