Lucan ITV part 2

Lucan ITV review part two

Published by jamdog on 20th December, 2013.

 Lucan ITV review part two

ITV

When we left Lord “Fucky” Lucan he had just caved in his children’s nanny’s skull, stuffed her into a mailbag, sent her first class to the afterlife and realised that his intended target, his wife, was just up the stairs. D’oh! Not one to let circumstances get the better of him Lucan springs at Veronica and coshes her over the head like a Great Train Robber spotting an innocent train driver. Veronica responds by crushing his balls with her spare hand which takes the wind right out of his sails.

Lucan had just caved in his children’s nanny’s skull, stuffed her into a mailbag, sent her first class to the afterlife.

They have a bit of a chat about it. He confesses to killing Sandra and tells Veronica “This is your doing!” She’s pretty certain it’s not. She’s had a bang on the head but she is confident her actions don’t constitute culpability in homicide. Nonetheless she agrees enthusiastically with him, as we all might faced with our would-be assassin. Let’s clean up this mess together she tells him. He suggests an overdose of tuinol to sort everything out. She agrees but while he gets her a glass of water she gets to dipping down the stairs like a mad woman out the door and into a pub to raise the alarm. And what an alarm.

She’s had a bang on the head but she is confident her actions don’t constitute culpability in homicide.

Knowing the deep shit he is in Lucan scoots away, pays a call to Susan Maxwell Scott and does he have a story tell? Like that other murdering piece of shit Jeffrey MacDonald he concocts a mystery intruder every bit as convincing as a group of hippies chanting “Acid is groovy! Kill the pigs!” Cuntstruck as she is Suzy believes him and allows him to write a couple of letters, down a couple of glasses of Scotch and be on his way. As she later told it Aspers smuggled Lucan out of the country and off to Switzerland, at least that was what she heard.

He concocts a mystery intruder every bit as convincing as a group of hippies chanting “Acid is groovy! Kill the pigs!”

The very next day we see Asperger’s leading a summit of the Clermont set. #HelpLucky is the hashtag and obstructing the course of justice the game. If he saw Lucky after the incident he’s keeping schtum about it. Assburger’s blames the trade unions for the whole blasted affair. Much like Lance Armstrong Aspers wants to “control the narrative” but when the inquest into Sandra Rivett’s death declares him a murdering sack of shit Brand Lucan takes another nosedive.

When the inquest into Sandra Rivett’s death declares him a murdering sack of shit Brand Lucan takes another nosedive.

Desperate measures are needed. Dominic, the conscience of the group, talks to a hack pal from the Sunday Times Magazine who wants to write a feature on Lucan and the Clermont set. The Establishment can always trust The Times to help it out in times of need. But when the intended puff piece ends up being very much #TeamVeronica and all about what a shower Lucan and his cunt friends are it’s yet further distress for the nobs. And say, isn’t that Jimmy Goldsmith‘s wife Annabel with her arms around Lucky Lucan on holiday on the front cover of the magazine? Was Lucan getting Lucky while Jimmy was away?

The intended puff piece ends up being all about what a shower Lucan and his cunt friends are.

Goldsmith, that poisonous shitheel, is a bloated ball of fury. He demands Dominic’s excommunication and he gets it. Dominic always was the sensitive one and his subsequent suicide was as inevitable as an Oscar De La Hoya coke and hookers relapse. Oh well.

Dominic always was the sensitive one and his subsequent suicide was as inevitable as an Oscar De La Hoya coke and hookers relapse.

All of this makes Goldsmith look very bad – a cuckold and a cocksucker. He tells Aspers this is Lucky’s fault and here we get to the speculative part of the drama. Lucan is smuggled back into the country by Asperger’s man – the old boy will be thrilled to see his kids. Just as they are mid ocean there’s a shotgun blast. Oh no! Lucan got Fredoed.

 Just as they are mid ocean there’s a shotgun blast. Oh no! Lucan got Fredoed.

Did any of this happen? We’ll never know. We do know that the Clermont set closed ranks around Pukecan and the murdered girl’s family got no justice. Veronica would eventually lose custody of her children to her sister Christina and Bill Shand “real gone” Kydd.

Rory Kinnear would always be a bit too squat and tubby to convince as John Bingham, 7th Earl of Lucan but what is convincing is the arrogance, cruelty and entitlement of privilege. They are YOLO made flesh.

The verdict: Lord, have mercy.

Marks out of 10: 7.5

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Lucan ITV review part two
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