Holy fucking shit. What an episode. The two hour finale of Lost’s third season was as good a single episode of TV as I’ve seen in years. It thrilled and delighted at every turn with a stunning reveal at the end that got up in your grill and was, like, "motherfucker, what?” Season three has been a huge triumph for Lost after it tried our patience to breaking point in season two. As we’ve got to know The Others we’ve learnt that they are just as much stranded on the island as the Lostaways, they just have the lay of the land better. They’re still taking hostages, busting chops and indulging their obstetrics obsession but you get the distinct impression they’re not really happy in their island paradise. But they still all need to die – never forget that.
"The finale was as good a single episode of TV I’ve seen in years. It thrilled and delighted at every turn with a stunning reveal at the end that got up in your grill and was, like, “motherfucker, what?”"
While Jack leads the Oceanic 815 crew to the radio tower and possible rescue, Jin, Sayid, and Bernard stay behind on the beach to open up a can of assrape on The Others as they come to abduct the pregnant women. With an armful of dynamite they send seven Others to meet their maker before their inevitable capture by Tom and the boys. Still, about time the Others had some casualties – eat shit you beardie cult bastards.
“Tom, knowing when he’s on to a loser, surrenders. Sawyer, knowing when he’s talking to a cunt, plugs the fucker.”
It’s not looking good for the Craphole Island 3 as Ben orders their execution by walkie-talkie (he’s busy trying to persuade Jack that the rescue idea will end badly). But just as The Others are debating the ethics of the murders Hurley bursts out of the jungle in the Dream Machine van like the A-Team and fucks one of the fuckers the fuck up with bumper on bone action. The diversion gives Juliet and Sawyer the chance to disarm the others and Sayid the chance to snap someone’s neck with his legs. I bet Saddam Hussein wishes The Republican Guard were all as badass as Sayid. Tom, knowing when he’s on to a loser, surrenders. Sawyer, knowing when he’s talking to a cunt, plugs the fucker, much to the shock of Juliet and Hurley. "That’s for taking the kid from the raft" he explains. A fair point.
"Walt went off with his daddy on the boat. But this is Craphole Island and while other kids follow the laws of physics, Walt disnae."
Speaking of the kid on the raft, Walt turns up grown-up by about three years to get John Locke out of his mass grave. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. Walt went off with his daddy on the boat. But this is Craphole Island and while other kids follow the laws of physics, Walt disnae (geddit??). But even more remarkably Charlie’s suicide mission to Push The Button actually works and the ship that has been trying to find the island gets a signal, transmits a message and our heroes celebrate their imminent rescue. But we know that never works, right?
“Yet right at the end we go through the looking-glass. Jack meets up with Kate. This is actually a flash forward.”
The finale flashback seemed fairly pointless. A boozy, painkiller blitzed Jack turding around making a jack ass of himself, presumably in the thrall of that sort who dumped him. Yet right at the end we go through the looking-glass. Jack meets up with Kate. This is actually a flash forward – after rescue from the island. Jack can’t cope with post island life – he flies constantly in the hope of crashing to get back to Craphole Island. Kate just looks hot and smoulders but a single solitary tear suggest that she too may be getting island withdrawal. Wow. They actually make it off the island.
"A suicidal Jack is all ready to throw himself off a bridge because he misses walking around in cut-off jeans, never getting laid and being kidnapped once a fortnight."
There are very few shows that handle the big episodes like Lost. The last thing anyone was expecting was a successful rescue and the revelation was brilliantly handled with the disguised flash forward with a suicidal Jack all ready to throw himself off a bridge because he misses walking around in cut-off jeans, never getting laid and being kidnapped once a fortnight. Takes all sorts, eh? Lost has set up season four in such a way as to make it totally unmissable. It premieres in February 2008. Seriously, I cannot wait.
The best thing about it: The stunningly handled flash forward revelation
The worst thing about it: Could have done with more Alex – the under-appreciated primo pie of the island.
The verdict on Lost Season Three Finale: Free at last.
Marks out of 10: 9.5