aerial telly: the television panopticonReviews of UK TV shows HOME

British TV reviews and so much more. I've really just about had it with all you scumbags. Aerial Telly forever - worthless Twitter groupie slime never.

"a depressing but brilliant read.... a superbly written manifesto for nothing." Daniel Hart

INFO

Home

About Aerial Telly

Aerial Telly in The Guardian

Review Index

Mailbag

 

REVIEWS

A-B

7 Days on the Breadline

9/11 Faker

10 Years Younger

24: Season 4

24: Season 5

24 Season 5 finale

24: Season 6

24 Season 7

24 Season 8

24 Season 8 Mid-Season Report

24 series finale

30 Rock

Aerial Telly Awards 2005

Aerial Telly Awards 2006

Aerial Telly Awards 2007

Aerial Telly Awards 2008

Aerial Telly Awards 2009

Aerial Telly Awards 2010

Aerial Telly search queries

Aerial Telly search queries 2

Aerial Telly search queries 3

Aerial Comment

"Ah fuck it - the cunt bit me" - a Steve Irwin tribute

Alive: Back To The Andes

Amy Winehouse on Never Mind the Buzzcocks

Amy Winehouse on the Charlotte Church show

Anti-Social Old Buggers

The Apprentice

The Apprentice Series Three Final

The Apprentice Series 3 half-term report

The Apprentice Season 4

The Apprentice Series 4 Finale

The Armstrongs

Arrested Development

Ashes to Ashes

Battlestar Galactica Season 3

Battlestar Galactica Season 3 finale

Battlestar Galactica Season 4

Battlestar Galactica Season 4 mid-season finale

Battlestar Galactica Series finale

Battlestar Galactica: Sometimes a Great Notion

Battlestar Galactica - The Plan

Beauty And The Geek

Being Human

Being... N-Dubz

Bernard Manning From Beyond the Grave

Bernard Matthews Golden Moments

Big Brother 2005

Big Brother 2006 Launch Night

Big Brother 2007

Big Brother 2007: Get that chickenhead hoodrat out

Big Brother 2008

Big Brother 2008 - It's a Wonderful Life (when you're not in it

Big Brother 2008 - Mario must die

Big Brother 2008: Stuart tapped the compassion vending machine and it toppled over and fell on top of him

Big Brother 2010 final

Big Brother's Big Mouth

Big Brother, Emily Parr and racism

Big Brother got no gas, Sienna Miller got no ass, Mark Ronson got no class

Big Brother poetry

Big Brother, Shilpa Shetty and racism

Bionic Woman pre-air pilot

Bo! in the USA

Bodies

Bodies series finale

Body Shock: Half Ton Man

Bollocks To Cancer

Bonekickers

The Boys Who Killed Stephen Lawrence

Breaking Bad

Breaking Bad Season 2 finale

Breaking Bad Season 3

Bring Back...Grange Hill

Britain's Got Talent Series 4

Britney and Kevin: Chaotic

Bruce Forsyth - A Comedy Roast

Bully Beatdown

C-D

Californication

Carnivale

Caprica pilot

Castrating Galactica - why Faceman needs to can it

Catherine Tate Christmas Special

CBeebies website

Celebrity Big Brother

Celebrity Big Brother 2006

Celebrity Big Brother 2007

Celebrity Big Brother 2009

Celebrity Big Brother 2010 first eviction

Celebrity Big Brother 2010: Vinnie Jones can drink mare's piss

Celebrity Fit Club

Celebrity Love Island

The Charlotte Church Show

China

Christmas television 2006

Christmas TV 2009 - what not to watc

Clever v Stupid

Come Dine With Me

Comic Relief Does The Apprentice

Coming Of Age

Community

Compulsion

The Contender

The Contender Season Two

Criminal Justice

Criminal Justice Season Two

The Cube

Cutting Edge: My Kid's Psychic

Cutting Edge: Pram Face

Damages

The Dark Side Of Porn

The Dark Side Of Porn: Amateur Porn

Dead Ringers

Deadwood

Deadwood - a lament

Deadwood Season 3

Derren Brown: The Heist

Derren Brown Investigates

Derren Brown's Russian Roulette

Derren Brown - Trick Or Treat

Dexter Season One

Dexter Season Two

Dexter Season 4 Finale

Dexter Season 4 Premiere

Dispatches: The Big Heist

Doctor Who

Doctor Who Series 5 Premiere

Doctor Who Series 5 - Vincent and The Doctor

Dragons Den

Drive

E-I

EastEnders

Election 2005 coverage

Emily Parr - an apology

Entourage Season 5 Premiere

Escape to the Legion

Euro 2008 TV coverage

Everybody Hates Chris

Extras

Extras Christmas special

The Family

Fat Beauty Contest

Feel The Force

Firefly - The Complete Series

Fix My Fat Head

FlashForward

FlashForward midseason report

Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir

Fonejacker

Friday Night Project

Generation Kill

Getting On

Glee

Going Cold Turkey

Gravity

Guys And Dolls

Hannah Bradbeer - wide forehead having X Factor goddess

Hard Sell: BT

Harper's Island

Heather Mills: what really happened

Heroes

Heroes Season One Finale

Hidden Lives - Three In A Bed

Home Time

House

How Not To Live Your Life

HSBC adverts

I'm All Shook Up: Parkinson's at 25

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, 2006

I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here 2008

I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here 2009

In This Corner

The Inbetweeners

The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret

Inside Waco

REVIEWS | A-B | C-D | E-I | J-M | N-R | S-T | U-Z | MISC


Lost

Lost

ABC

In a nutshell: The best plane crash television since Les Dennis's televised nervous breakdown.

The 411: You gotta respect the classics. Plane crash survivors walk from the wreckage to find themselves on a desert island? That's gotta work.

Well, that's not strictly true. Filmed on location in Hawaii, Lost could easily have been an expensive turkey. That it's been a success is down to its ability to put a new twist on an old situation and a knack of avoiding the crushingly obvious.

"Chances are he saw a rotor blade closely followed by his arse flying past his shoulder blades. And he was so pleased with himself for having survived. Well done, fucko. "

The first episode, right in the midst of the immediate aftermath of the crash, is stunning. A survivor staggers past the still rotating engine and is sucked in and shredded to bits. I wonder if he saw a tunnel with a light at the end? Chances are he saw a rotor blade closely followed by his arse flying past his shoulder blades. And he was so pleased with himself for having survived. Well done, fucko.

The strong characters quickly emerge - alpha male doctor, Jack , gorgeous criminal, Kate,wisecracking redneck, Sawyer and the mysterious Locke, an apparently miraculously-healed wheelchair user with an uncanny knowledge of wilderness survival.

The extreme circumstances give a chance to explore character. Much of the exposition is done through flashback - of the plane's rapid descent and the lives they left behind. Everyone is harbouring some secret or trauma - heroin addiction, armed robbery and murder among them.

If you believed half of these stories you'd never set foot on a plane again. You'd feel safer taking your chances on the Al Qaeda 747 Hijack Shuttle than with this shower of degenerates. Even money the pilot crashed the plane rather than spend nine hours a mile above the ground with the 70 deadly sins breathing down his neck.

"If you believed half of these stories you'd never set foot on a plane again. You'd feel safer taking your chances on the Al Qaeda 747 Hijack Shuttle."

Unsavoury fellow-travellers are the least of their worries, however, as unseen gigantic creatures stalk the jungle like fairy-tale monsters carving up flesh and crushing bone like it were ash. Having survived by the skin of his tits, his cockpit arse end up in the jungle, the pilot gets eaten by one. Imagine the turds they leave.

The group soon splits into two, one occupying caves in the forest, one remaining on the beach. The cave dwellers quickly realising that no one is coming to save them any time soon, the beach heads preferring to see the coconut shell as half full. And possibly avoiding the giant turds of the hairy monster things.

Lost manages to create the aura of mystery without plunging into witless Carnivale style opacity or turning into a caricature Monster Of The Week format. For this, much props go to executive producers J.J. Abrams, the creator of Alias, and Damon Lindelof (Crossing Jordan).

So is it social allegory, Lilliputian nightmare or just balls-out adventure? Maybe a bit of all three - the important thing is that it works and that ABC has gained some of the ground lost on the trail-blazing HBO and Fox. Who says you can't just throw a bunch of money around and make good telly?

The best thing about it: Scary monsters! You never see them.

The worst thing about it: Idiot screaming woman. You always see her.

The verdict on Lost : Island life is coming up.

Marks out of 10: 7.5


Like the review? Buy the e-books.


 





Contact Aerial Telly

 

REVIEWS (cont'd)

J-M

Jericho

John From Cincinnati

Jordan and Peter: Marriage And Mayhem

Joss Whedon's Dollhouse will be the greatest television show in history

Journeyman

jPod

Keys To The Vip

The Kill Point

Kings

King Of Shaves advert

Life

The Life and Times of Tim

Life on Mars

Lip Service

Live From Studio Five

Louie

Louis Theroux - The City Addicted to Crystal Meth

Loose Women

Lost

Lost Season 2

Lost Season 3 Finale

Lost Season 3: half-term report

Lost Season 3 Premiere

Lost Season 4 Half Term report

Lost Season 6 Premiere

Lost Season 6x09 - Ab Aeterno

Lost Series Finale

Luther

Luther Series One finale

Mad Men

Mad Men Season 2

Mad Men Season 2 Finale

Mad Men Season 3 Premiere

Mad Men Season 3 Finale

Mad Men Season 4

The Madness of Boy George

Mars Believe World Cup Campaign

Man vs Wild

Martina Cole's The Take

Mary Archer

The Mentalist

Mercy Series Premiere

Michael Carroll: King Of Chavs

Misfits

The Mitchell Brothers' Return

Mock the Week

Modern Family

Mongrels

Monkey Dust

Morales v Barrera III

My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding

My Family

My Name Is Earl

My Penis And I

My Supermodel Baby

 

N-R

Nibble Nobby's Nuts adverts

Nigella

Neighbours 20th anniversary show

No Angels

No Heroics

Old Enough To Be His Mother

Oscars 2005

Only Yesterday - The Carpenters' Story

Pacific

Paradox

Party Animals

Party Down

The Persuasionists

Peaches Geldof: Teen America

Pete Burns' Cosmetic Surgery Nightmares

The Peter Serafinowicz Show

PhoneShop

The Pick-up Artist

The Pickup Artist Season 2 Premiere

Pineapple Dance Studios

Preston's Walk Out on Never Mind The Buzzcocks

Prison Break

Prison Break 2

Prison Break Season Two: half-term report

Prison Break Season Two Premiere

Prison Break Season Two Finale

Prison Break Season 4 Half Term Report

Pulling

Pulse

Pushing Daisies series premiere...

Richard and Judy

Rev

Rome Season One

S-T

Saxondale

The Secret Life of A Manic Depressive

The Secret Policemen's Ball

Seduction School: Size Doesn't Matter

Sex Addict

Seymour Butts

Shameless

Shameless Season 4

Shane

Sherlock

Sherlock series 1 finale: The Great Game

The Shield

The Shield - Season Five Finale

The Shield - Season 6

The Shield series finale

Six Feet Under

Skins

Skins Season 2

Smoking Room

Sons of Anarchy

Sons of Anarchy Season 2 Premiere

The Sopranos Season 6

Space Cadets

Spartacus: Blood and Sand

Spartacus: Blood and Sand Season One Finale

The Spy Who Stole My Life

State of the TV Nation Address

Stepkids In Love

Strike Back

Studs of Suburbia

Summer Heights High

Supernanny

Surviving Disaster

Take That... for the Record

Talk to me

Take Me Out

Ted Bundy - Natural Porn Killer

Terminator - The Sarah Connor Chronicles

The Thick Of It

The Thick of It Series 3

This Life +10

This World: Kidnap Cops

Top 30 TV Shows of 2010

Tower Block of Commons

Treme

True Stories - The Trials Of Amanda Knox

Too Ugly For Love

True Blood

True Blood Season 2 Final

TV's Naughtiest Blunders

U-Z

Unanimous

Underbelly

Undercover Princesses

Veronica Mars

Veronica Mars Season Three Half-term Report

Veronica Mars Season Two

Veronica Mars Season Three Premiere

Veronica Mars Season Three finale

A Very Social Secretary

Vexed

Weeds

Weeds Season 3

Weeds Season 4

Weeds Season 5 Finale

Weeds Season 5 Premiere

When Fearne Met Peaches

When Lineker Met Maradona

Wimbledon coverage

The Wire Season 3

The Wire, Season 4

The Wire Season 5 Premiere

The Wire Series Finale

World Cup coverage

World Cup Final 2010

The World Cup has been kidnapped and molested

World's Deadliest Gangs

Worried About the Boy

X Factor 2005

X-Factor 2007

X-Factor 2008

X-Factor 2009

MISC REVIEWS

40 Pupils Suspended For Bullying

606 with Danny Baker

Amazon Review Scum

Blowjob monologues and the like

Everything is retro, funky and kitsch on eBay nowadays

Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir

An Illustrated History of Dis

Fooled By Randomness

Hip-hop

Indie kids - munching on cock all day, every day, from now until forever

Listen up, douchebags: Larry Merchant KO1 murdering rapist hype merchant scum that constitute boxing's deal-making fight-avoiding turd elite

Love skunk Vernon Kay sprays his rat jism

Morales v Barrera III

Music Sounds Better With You(tube)

NME cool list

Playlouder Reviews

Roid Jones jnr? You must be joking, Joke

Stan Collymore

The Streets

Vertigolf

War Winehouse!

We Expose Palace Security As A Bag Of Shite