Jonathan Creek series 5 review Curse of the Bronze Lamp

Jonathan Creek series 5 episode 3 review | Bronze Lamp

Published by jamdog on 14th March, 2014.

 Jonathan Creek series 5 review Curse of the Bronze Lamp

When Lindsey Isherwood (Elizabeth Conboy) a junior minister’s computer solutions analyst wife is kidnapped by two scrotes it seems to have no connection at all to Jonathan Creek. But then very few things do and it rarely stops him getting all up in their business. “Number one solutions analyst” one of her captors taunts “Come up with a solution to this – we’ll be really impressed”. “I will” her eyes silently seem to say “You monologuing piece of shit”. She does as well – we’ll get to that. The Shit Creeks have other problems when their over sharing drama queen cleaner Denise (Josie Lawrence) winds up with a dead male escort in her bath. Her husbland won’t be too happy so it’s up to Polly to Winston Wolf the scene, bag the escort stiff up and get him back to his own home and his own bath like he’s the Turk on series one Clownton Abbey.

Talk about bad luck. Maybe it’s to do with the bronze lamp she recently acquired? Intrigue heaps upon intrigue when Denise finds Lindsey Isherwood’s antique watch underneath her pillow in the morning. Just how is this impossible teleportation possible? In an almost amusing sidebar Denise’s credit card is declined by the escort agency, the manwhore was never sent and the guy she fucked to death was a mate of her husbland’s from the darts club. Heavy smoker apparently like any of us give a shit.

“Come up with a solution to this” he taunts. “I will” her eyes silently seem to say “You monologuing piece of shit”.

Because none of this is helping Lindsey Isherwood, chained and gagged in a barn, Lord knows where, without so much as a pair of tights for comfort. Police found said tights in a field with a torn knee – a feature Jonathan eventually interprets as a coded message that she is near The Tawny Owl pub. How on earth..?

It seems that there was still an unblown balloon from the party she was preparing left in her pocket. Like the primo solutions analyst she is, she put the watch inside the balloon, coded and attached her tights and lo they were stuck through a gap in the wall and carried on the wind, the watch dropping from the burst balloon into Denise’s hoodie. Fucking marvellous when you think about it.

In other news June Whitfield sent a photo of Polly taking a piss on some shrubbery. I have no idea what the fuck that was all about.

The verdict: The really compelling mystery is  what Blewn Whitfield was doing there.

Marks out of 10: 7.5

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Jonathan Creek series 5 episode 3 Bronze Lamp
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2 responses to “Jonathan Creek series 5 episode 3 review | Bronze Lamp”

  1. Rutegar says:

    Nuttin’ happen’ with the link …

  2. jamdog says:

    Speak English, boy.