Welsh neo-noir is an often overlooked genre so give a high-five to Y Gwyll or Hinterland as it will be known in the Queen’s English. DCI Tom Mathias (Richard Harrington) is newly arrived in the savage badlands of Aberystwyth. He rolls up at the house of 64 year old Helen Jenkins and finds the place splattered with blood. It looks like she’s been sharing student digs with Amanda Knox. Local cleric Father Fuckface is concerned and well he might be. Helen’s bashed-in teeth punctuate the blood puddles like glistening yellow pearls. There’s no sign of her but even at this very early stage I think we can probably rule out accidental death. Who would want to murder such a fantastic old lady? Tom is on the case and he’s ably supported by his partner Some Other Broad (Mali Harries) and between the two of them you feel confident that they will be able to carry out a really quite adequate police investigation.
There’s no sign of her but even at this very early stage I think we can probably rule out accidental death.
After spotting some more blood on a local bridge Tom makes his way down to the water flowing below. The twisty ravine hisses menace – elemental forces beyond our reckoning seem to whisper “get out Tom – it’s Wales!” Also, there’s a dead old bitch down there. That’ll be Helen Jenkins. It’s a real shame because she was in the caring professions. She worked at the Cyril Smith Home for Vulnerable Children right next to the ravine at the pointedly named Devil’s Bridge. Local legend has it that the devil himself was tricked by an old lady who sentenced her innocent dog to burn for all eternity so she could across the bridge for free. They really do keep a warm welcome in the hillsides here.
Any old road ex-inmates of the children’s home say Jenkins was a right old bitch who had it coming – a sadist, bible thumper and amateur dentist, never the best combination. As young foster children best friends Jenny James and Catrin John were dubbed “Satan’s daughters” by Jenkins and the press after a few minor arson incidents so maybe one of them is bearing a grudge?
Jenny James confesses to the killing and all told it’s a less credible confession than Amanda Knox’s “best truth that I have been able to think” effort. Catrin feels bad for Jenny – all mental and that. She’s been blessed with a husbland and child and has let the resentment just melt away over the years.
Except for the part where she NEVER. Because it is Latrine who snuffed the old bitch Jenkins and then some other old twat who couldn’t keep a civil tongue in his mouth. A terrible account of rape, childbirth and enforced separation follows – a tale that gets significantly darker when Jenny confesses to offing the baby in case Latrine loved the kid more than her.
This is Aberystwyth, folks. They do what they like.
Still, that Jenkins eh? What an old bitch.
The verdict: Baby food – made with real baby.
Marks out of 10: 7.5