It’s day two of The Great Fire of Londung and things are hotting up! ¹ Thomas can’t find Sarah Ginger Nause despite blurting out her name into the chaos of the street like Alan Partridge shouting Dan. Sarah can’t take his call right now as she is being interrogated in Newgate Prison by Tywin Lannister who wants to get hold of the Duke of Hanford‘s big red box. Sarah’s not ratting her employer out though and after she gets a smart mouth he puts in the General Rape Wing of the jail. When accosted by a felon grunt she is saved by chivalrous murderer Vincent. He served in the Navy and is happy to inform her that her husbland is deader than a girlfriend’s of Oscar Pistorius who has just played the ‘blackface burglar with a machete’ prank. Ginger Nause is thrilled. She can get some of that good Farriner dick now.
But it’s not all fun and games in Londung as this giant city-destroying fire is a real pain in the balls. Conditions are cramped, tempers are flaring and the locals are being slowly broiled, baked and braised. The King goes down the Thames to view the clusterfuck for himself. He is persuaded by Pepys to start blowing up buildings to create firebreaks and promise the dispossessed generous compensation packages which will be impossible to pay. Useless populist bastard. No wonder his brother’s trying to kill him.
Conditions are cramped, tempers are flaring and the locals are being slowly broiled, baked and braised.
The Queen is still a mushmouth retard foreign running her mouth about Charles taking advantage of the court skanks. Shawty needs to let a player play. It would surprise no one if it was she who started the fire – certainly not Lord Denton who is convinced the whole thing is a disgusting papist plot. He finds and dumps Sarah’s shit son David (Chris from Homeland) in Newgate and it is just the push she needs to agree to get her hands on Hanford’s big red box. Sounds like it could get painful.
As the night draws in Thomas abandons his weird spawn to get some of that sweet Sarah pussy. Not content with starting the fire Tom is quite happy to leave his children to fry. Seriously, what is wrong with this dude?
The verdict: We didn’t start the Fire. It was Thomas Farriner who then burned his children.
Marks out of 10: 7
¹ Fuck you.