Nothing unites the country like a royal wedding so as Game of Thrones charges into its fourth season it’s great that the wedding of King Joffrey and Margaery Tyrell is uniting the whole of Westeros in the belief that i) Joffrey is an stumpy incest born no-lipped psychotic dweeb and ii) Margaery is an every holer in anyone’s book. Dornish prince Oberyn Martell arrives for the big day and seems to have a bug up his crack about Gregor Clegane raping and murdering his sister a while back. Vengeance will be his one day he assures Tyrion and he’s in good company. Arya and the Hound waste a crew of Gregor’s men over a couple of chickens (and because one of them nicked Arya’s sword and skewered her friend with it in the Riverlands). Vengeance is all the rage in Westeros.
The whole of Westeros believes Joffrey is an stumpy incest born no-lipped psychotic dweeb.
And running it a close second is mutilation as Jamie Lannister will attest. The old fella has had him a brand-new sword forged from Valyrian steel before bidding him to return to Casterly Rock and rule over his peasants. Jamie ain’t trying to hear that though. The one-handed sister fucker wants to stay at King’s Landing to do some one-handed sister fucking. It turns out though that Cersei may not be down with that plan – absence making the heart grow colder and all that – so the only game in town for Ser Lamey is to be routinely humiliated by his son/nephew/King as part of the Kingsguard. They’re not big on disability rights round these parts.
In other news Daenerys is having trouble keeping her dragons in check, some weird cannibal Wildings called the Thenns butt up against Ginger Nause and pals and Jon Snurr avoids a death sentence for banging Ginger Nause – the feeling being that he’s suffered enough. That’s one final thing that the land can unite in agreement on as they head into the wedding of the century. The last one went so well I don’t see how it could be anything other than a triumph.
The verdict: A Lannister always lays his pets.
Marks out of 10: 8.5