Reality TV was always going to come to this. A behind-the-scenes no holds barred access all areas look at the takes no prisoners world of… cropdusting. Set in Saskatchewan, Canada, Dust Up is an honest ¹, forthright ² and compelling ³ exploration of the noble art of flying a plane 5 feet above ground and spunking deadly chemicals over fields of wheat, barley and maize.
We have three poster boys to follow. Bud was a cropduster back in the day – the day in question being the day Methuselah was born. He looks, sounds and acts like Grandpa, cannibal patriarch from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Bud was a pioneer of the art and given that his ability to walk without pissing himself is a walking fucking miracle that he is both flying and dusting is pretty damn impressive.
Try telling that to his son Brennan though. Brennan, who the programme makers tagged as The Maverick, is in his late 30s and looks like a fat Fred Durst (it’s entirely possible that Fred Durst looks like a fat Fred Durst. I know – I’m not privy to the dietary habits of the Limp Bizkit frontman but this I will say: Brennan is a desperate pink tubby turd of a human being and his gluttony shames himself, his family and all Canadians).
Brennan is a desperate pink tubby turd of a human being and his gluttony shames himself, his family and all Canadians
Bring Brennan used to be in the family business, working alongside Pops, flying, dusting and, the show would have you believe, kicking ass. Now that has all changed. Fat Fred fell out with his pa and set up his own dusting operation and they are now fighting over the same piece of steak like two dogs with aeroplanes. Calamity!
After that yet another rival operator Travis (The Young Gun his unlikely caption reads) a skater boy looking hump in his late 30s and you have one HELL of a show.
Well, you have a show – a show whose nu-metal soundtrack, smash cuts and Redd Pepper voice-over seem to be aimed squarely at the young, dumb and face like a slum demographic advertisers just love. They brought rebellion back to agricultural disease prevention and for this at least they deserve credit. Whether Brennan’s daddy issues will ever be resolved, whether Pops will live forever and whether Travis will stop dressing like a teenager are all intangibles that should see this one run and run.
The verdict: Crop tarts.
Marks out of 10: 6
³ shit boring