The man who invented the post-it note showers in asses’ milk, writes off a yacht a week and has a rickshaw driver transporting between his 15 Filipino brides. John Macleod of LuxCreations enters the Dragons’ Den hoping to become that man by pioneering the next step in the post-it note saga. His Clear Notes invention are transparent, reusable post-it notes and his confident assured pitch is met by an immediate “eat my box” from Devourer Medung who declares a conflict-of-interest with a similar product. Peeturd likes the idea but Smelly says she can wipe the ink off with her finger. As is often the case when something incongruous enters her field of vision Smelly gets all weird and robotic. The phrase “I’m sorry but I’m out” comes out of the computer speakers lodged in her vocal chords. Funny that’s exactly what she told Guy Ritchie. Jock and Pies quickly follow and although Peeturd clearly love him long time he thinks the young pup has overvalued himself so he boots him right in the fucking balls and bundles him down the stairs.
“I’m sorry but I’m out” says Smelly. Funny that’s exactly what she told Guy Ritchie.
Will Scottish duo Amy Livingstone and Sue Aitken of Cheeky Chompers fare any better? Their Neckerchew concept is an ungodly hybrid of the bib and the teether – something for babies to chew on that stays attached to the sprog. It’s a positive sparky pitch but their £700,000 valuation is crazy says Jock. They’ve been trading for 11 whole weeks. You see his point.
“You’re delusional” Peeturd tells them curtly. And yet they have some good orders. All the Dragons like them but because the girls assume that positive early signs automatically mean future billions all the Dragons GTFO.
Maybe what we need is a website that actively encourages lawsuits, self-mutilation and mental illness? TreatmentSaver is the brainchild of Ganesh (he’s a doctor, like Doctor Spaceman off 30 Rock) and Tim, (an optician, like – I don’t know some cunt off a SpecSavers advert, you tell me). They brag about getting 25,000 visitors a month. Peeturd correctly points out that this is tiny. “When I launch a website we get that in a day” 800 a day on the net for a comparison site? Son, I am disappoint. In addition to this the website looks shitty with weak branding. Everyone bails and it’s not surprising.
We finish with a man who, while he looks about 50 is actually only 26. Say hello to James Roupell and his Bobo Buddies. It’s a range of toys that quadruple up as a toy, blanket, pillow and rucksack. James is smart, the toys look good, the branding is strong and the utility is obvious. The resulting scramble of the Dragons to dry hump him is deeply unedifying and when he finally settles on a naked spit roast between Devourer and Peeturd it’s a relief for everyone, not least the viewer.
The verdict: I’m not even mentioning that alpacas nonsense.
Marks out of 10: 7.5