For weeks now we’ve been
bored shitless fascinated by Gay Tom‘s heroin Aids. Just what exactly is wrong with him? A gigantic boil on his arse and a syringe full of salt water are the symptoms he takes to Doctor Jock and the diagnosis is a sobering one. He’s got Skill – African bum disease. He contracted the illness while undergoing electrotherapy to stop his unquenchable gayness. Doctor Jock prescribes a course of cock – taken twice-weekly with whatever local trade is going. Tom perks up. This could work out well for everyone.
That filthy Jew who Hot Rose has got a boner for organises some shitty horse race and it gives the opportunity for Charles Blake and Lady Mary to force Pony Gillingham and Mabel Lame Fucks together. The Jew sees the event as a wonderful opportunity to get his snout into the Downton trough and he crowbars his parents into a dinner invite with the Crawleys. These people.
In news that is not really news at all Lady Edith sees her editurd who confirms that yes Michael is dead like a cunt after running his mouth at Blackshirts in the Bierkeller. Edith takes it badly. So badly in fact that she steals Marigold from the Drewes because she’s just that big a bitch and GTFO to shitbox hotel room in location unknown. In her favour is that it’ll be a year before anyone realises she’s missing.
Over at the Cuntess’s gaffe Violet‘s new slave is She Queen from Brookside. She takes her to Prince Kuragin‘s kennel where she passes on the good news of the Princess’s escape from the Bolsheviks. Homie ain’t trying to hear that though as the prince still wants to put his cock in Violet. Her 95-year-old quim has lost none of its vim and vigour for him. Largely because he’s at stage VII dementia but still – she’ll take the compliments where she can.
Her 95-year-old quim has lost none of its vim and vigour for him. Largely because he’s at stage VII dementia
Down in the slave quarters Bates confesses to Anna that he knows it was Rapey Green who raped her. “The clue was in the name” he tells her and Anna curses the nickname she gave him. He makes out he went to kill Rapey Green but he NEVER, pulling out at the last-minute as you wish Russell Brand’s father had. It was all just a big coincidence that Green ended up being murdered exactly at the moment that Bates decided “not” to murder him.
Anna is delighted, swallowing the story whole exactly like she did when he murdered his first wife. Now she can finally yank the dutch cap out of her fanny and raise killer babies with Killer Bates and hopefully lay waste to the entire Clownton dynasty. That should certainly make series 6 interesting.
The verdict: Non, je ne regrette rien.
Marks out of 10: 7.5