Downton Abbey series 5 episode 1 review

Downton Abbey series 5 episode 1 review | Lay, Lady, lay

Published by jamdog on 22nd September, 2014.

 Downton Abbey series 5 episode 1 review
ITV

Oh Clownton. You have been missed. The other comedies on TV just aren’t cutting it.

It is 1924. Britain’s first Labour government is giving the lower orders ideas above their station and Robert is pretty pissy about it. The real action of the show though revolves around that stud Dicky Merton. He wants some of that sweet Mrs Crawley pussy and isn’t taking no for an answer. The Dowager Countess runs a lengthy and brutal cockblock on her frenemy by inviting this Lady Shackleton skank over to dinner to steal him. She’ll have her work cut out. Isobel’s vagina may resemble roadkill sprinkled with flour but it is a coveted prize among the 1920s Yorkshire aristocracy.

Isobel’s vagina may resemble roadkill sprinkled with flour but it is a coveted prize among the 1920s Yorkshire aristocracy.

Also much sought after is Jimmy the footman and when his old boss desperate old posh tart Lady Anstruther invites herself over for dinner it is clear that Jimmy is the dessert. They are not the only ones with a boff plan. That teed Pony Gillingham proposes that he fuck some sense into Monster Mash Mary for a week after which she will submit to marriage. She’s cool with it as you would expect from a woman who once literally fucked a man to death.

Over in the ugly corner Edith is being weird around her secret kid raised among the proles and and she’s also pining over the cock she never got from Mister Gregson. Fucking Edith. She’s such a train wreck. She does the decent thing by attempting to barbecue herself late at night but Gay Tom saves her. As Robert hurries to evacuate the rooms he walks in on Jimmy knocking the back out of Lady Anstruther which is the closest he’s got to the sex act in decades. You think he’d be delighted but he instructs Carson to give Jimmy his marching orders. Honestly, you try and help the aged and this is thanks you get.

Tragically, no one is killed in the incident. This won’t last for long however as Mister Bates – the most ruthless killer in English history – still stalks the corridors looking for innocent valets to off. He’s such a sick piece of shit.

In other news Branson Pickle the Mick has got a boner over that Sarah the schoolteacher broad and she runs her mouth at the party making Robert sad. She’s a real nause. She’ll fit right in.

The verdict: Best comedy on TV

Marks out of 10: 7.5

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Downton Abbey series 5 episode 1
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