Previously on Clownton: Tony Gillingham‘s valet won’t take “No! No! Nooo!” for an answer. As he leaves Rapey Dennis Rapeman tells Carson he will remember this visit to Downton for a long time and he’s not the only one. Having raped Branson Pickle loopy Edna‘s getting weird about it and wants assurances of marriage should she be pregnant. It has the whiff of a setup about it but still old Pickle is in hell of a tizz. With a bit of luck a trip to London will take his mind off things. He goes on business with Monster Mash Mary, and Hot Rose and Edeath pop along for the ride. They hook up with Aunt Rosamund and who should turn up but Pony Gillingham, the boy with a serious boner for Mary even though he is nearly engaged to society beauty Mabel Lane Fox. Mary’s stunned blank expressionless face – ah you know how this one goes.
While they’re in the Smoke the youngsters figure they should check out the nightlife. At the Lotus Club Mary and Pony bond further and Hot Rose dances with black singer Jack Ross (Gary Carr). He’s dressed very dapper but Rose just sees him in a grass skirt with a bone through his nose because she’s a crazy racist. She likes him though. Clubbing hasn’t really hasn’t changed much in the last hundred years.
Black singer Jack Ross is dressed very dapper but Rose just sees him in a grass skirt with a bone through his nose because she’s a crazy racist.
When they get back to Downton Branson tells Mrs Hughes of his woes and she knows exactly what to do. She calls in Myanussis Burning for an audience and gets very G with her, producing a Marie Stopes book like a rabbit from a hat but actually from Myanussis’s personal belongings that Mrs Hughes had been rifling through. She’s not above blackmail Hughesy which is a good job because Branson is an innocent potato headed sap who would be in domestic servitude to Myanussis for the rest of his life without the housekeeper’s intervention. Myanussis pisses off to make way for another psycho lady’s maid to arrive next week.
He unwisely compares himself to Matthew “He’s dead and I’m alive”. Nice work, Romeo. “You fill my brain”. Yeah, OK Pony – your slick talk has no power here.
In a show of optimism that reveals that he never watches the show Pony asks Mary to marry him. He unwisely compares himself to Matthew “He’s dead and I’m alive”. Nice work, Romeo. “You fill my brain”. Yeah, OK Pony – your slick talk has no power here. Mary turns him down because dead Matthew is still filling what’s left of her brain. He at least gets a tonguedown from her. The temperature drops and icicles form on his tonsils. He’ll be off to Mabel Lame Fucks on the first train to defrost.
The temperature drops and icicles form on his tonsils. He’ll be off to Mabel Lame Fucks on the first train to defrost.
Oh and Edith gets her boots knocked by Gregson and in an unexpected twist it’s completely consensual. Sometimes I just don’t know where I stand with this show.
The verdict: Nobody’s getting fat except Mrs Pat(more)
Marks out of 10: 7