Previously on Downton Abbey: Mary did the Monster Mash. It was a graveyard smash. It’s been a rough time for the walking tabula rasa that is Lady Mary so to cheer her up Dead Matthew sends a letter from beyond the grave saying he wants her to be sole heir. Lord Blob is being a dick about it as he wants free rein over the shitty estate. In an attempt to strengthen her arm Violet bids Branson Pickle the Mick to show Mary the ropes, tutor her in his main areas of expertise. Next week: Mary goes pub bombing.
In a tale that has gripped the nation the two Charlies Grigg & Carson get their ancient double act back together for one final walk along the station platform. The Victorian Cannon and Ball finally squash their beef and fuck me it’s dull. The squabble was over some dead skank who married Grigg but wished she’d married Carson instead. The pair decide it’s bros before hoes, make up and Mister Grigg fucks off to Belfast and I doubt there will be a more tedious subplot on Clownton in a hurry.
Violet bids Branson Pickle the Mick to show Mary the ropes, tutor her in his main areas of expertise. Next week: Mary goes pub bombing.
Much more fun is to be had with Hot Rose who persuades Anna to take her to a tea dance in York where there are bound to be all kinds of disreputable lower order types – a prospect Rose finds impossibly thrilling. It’s the twenties equivalent of a trust fund girl turning up at a bashment night. She wants to jump on some prole cock and ride it like a Triple Crown jockey live like common people, wants to do whatever common people do. So she puts on an accent and wings it. She dances with a young herbert called Sam. “It’s a good crack isn’t it Sam?” she asks him. He certainly hopes to find out.
She dances with a young herbert called Sam. “It’s a good crack isn’t it Sam?” she asks him. He certainly hopes to find out.
As is so often the way when a fella is getting somewhere with a girl some douchebag cockblocks and the ensuing scuffle turns into a mini-riot. When Sam calls on her later at Clownton Rose gets a make-out after dressing up in a maid uniform and she’s far from the first posh girl to report that experience.
Rose gets a make-out after dressing up in a maid uniform and she’s far from the first posh girl to report that experience.
Back among the people nobody cares about Molesley’s tarmacking on account of being broke as Riddick Bowe. Bates hits Violet up for some cash for him then pretends to owe Molesley £30 after forging his signature. God it’s tedious. I take back what about there not being a more tedious subplot in a hurry. Next to this the two Charlies saga is positively riveting.
In pleb news Ivy and Daisy are still indistinguishable halfwits and Bad Thomas turns Myanussis Burning against Anna and Bates. I didn’t see that coming.
The verdict: Emmy nominated. Remember that.
Marks out of 10: 6