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"Ah fuck it - the cunt bit me" - a Steve Irwin tribute
Alive: Back To The Andes
Amy Winehouse on Never Mind the Buzzcocks
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Deadwood Season 3
Derren Brown: The Heist
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Dead Ringers
BBC2
Here's the formula for impression based comedy. Rather similar to the topical comedy blueprint you take two news events apparently unconnected and incorporate them together in a bizarre scenario which demonstrates some hitherto unknown parallels between the two. Let's say you're a comedy writer and that the news items in front of you are: i) Parliament returns from summer recess. ii) The circus comes to town! Your comedic pay-off: Parliament is a circus! With a ringmaster, unruly animals and a paying public. You're in business.
"And now I mock your folly. And you become the fool. See what a powerful formula this is?"
Faced with a rapidly approaching deadline you might conjure up some joke about how in the circus they spin the plates, in Parliament they spin the truth. And then there's funny guy in the make-up and wig who nobody takes seriously. Or Mr Speaker as I call him. Ha! You thought I was talking about the clown didn't you? And now I mock your folly. And you become the fool. See what a powerful formula this is?
Dead Ringers certainly do as they rarely deviate from the blueprint. And they're quick to kick off their sixth season with an appalling Da Vinci Code take off Da Rolf Harris Code which was as baffling as it was unfunny. I'm not quite sure why Rolf Harris is topical unless it's the only impersonation Jon Culshaw knows people will recognise
"Seriously, is that the best they could come up with, that Jag rhymes with shag? A joke already used by a every sub-editor in the country for a fortnight?"
In other news John Prescott has admitted to an affair and David Blaine is spending a week underwater. Bizarre incorporation scenario: Prescott announces that to emulate David Blaine he is spending a year. In a pie. Because he's fat. See what they did there?
John Prescott gets it again and again and they pile on the pathos with the same trowel Rory Bremner uses to apply political comment. At the end of a GMTV interview Prescott bursts into song "I'm too sexy for my Jag. I'm desperate for a shag". Seriously, is that the best they could come up with, that Jag rhymes with shag? A joke already used by every sub-editor in the country for a fortnight? One that would struggle to get a laugh in a school playground?
But they don't just strike fearlessly at the heart of government. Noel Edmonds also gets it in the neck. They have him addressing the camera with "where the hell do I buy my shirts?". Criticising Edmonds' shirts - that's really going for the throat. OK, nobody said satire had to change the world but there's a general idea that it should be funny.
"'The only time they hit a target worthy of the effort is the 10 Years Younger spoof - accurately reflecting the shallow stupidity and cruelty of that ridiculous show.
Showing that they don't care whose toes they tread on they ruthlessly lampoon clueless indie filth Arctic Monkeys - pointing out that they're a bit like George Formby. If you say so, Jon.
The only time they hit a target worthy of the effort is the 10 Years Younger spoof - accurately reflecting the shallow stupidity and cruelty of that ridiculous show. But everything else misfires horribly. it isn't just bad writers or a lazy script editor that's the problem (although Dead Ringers undoubtedly has both of those) - it's the fundamental ethic of the show that is the problem. Each celebrity is surrounded by a marshmallow bodyguard wearing a T-shirt saying "nobody here gets hurt".
Dead Ringers is a cosy throwback to Seventies light entertainment where jokes about British Leyland workers and British Rail pork pies were delivered with such affection it was like a gentle ribbing around the Christmas dinner table from your family.
"This isn't take-no-prisoners comedy. Dead Ringers take prisoners, give them a comfy cell, call them a lawyer then release them without charge."
This isn't take-no-prisoners comedy. Dead Ringers take prisoners, give them a comfy cell, call them a lawyer then release them without charge. Comedy doesn't have to be nasty. Harry Hill has shown a finely tuned sense of absurdity can be brilliantly effective. But you've got to be very good to pull that off - and if you're not that good then you'd better start breaking some skulls. Because people came to see blood.
Of course, impressionists think that they don't have to be that funny. They think that the funny voice is good enough. So Dead Ringers is bedevilled by the same lazy set-ups and cheap lolly stick gags that have plagued every impressionist vehicle since Mike Yarwood.
It's this poverty of aspiration that means every impressions based show is stillborn. Until they raise the bar and start aiming for something that's funny without the George Bush voice that's not going to change.
The best thing about it: The 10 Years Younger skit.
The worst thing about it: The suffocating cosiness of it all
The verdict on Dead Ringers: Don't do drugs. Well, not that close to a tournament anyway.
Marks out of 10: 4

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FILM REVIEWS
28 Weeks Later
2 Days In Paris
American Gangster
Antichrist
Apocalypto
Assault in the Ring
Atonement
The Bank Job
The Bourne Ultimatum
Bruno
Changeling
Clubbed
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The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Dawn Of The Dead
The Departed
The Descent
Fahrenheit 9/11
Hard Candy
Ils (Them)
In Bruges
Juno
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Let The Right One In
Lust, Caution
Man on Wire
Notes On A Scandal
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When the Levees Broke
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AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO BETTING
200,000 undersexed schlubs have the weekend of their lives after following Aerial Telly's betting advice
Aerial Telly ascends to boxing divinity as a piss drenched Marquez howls like a mortally wounded animal at the stars
Aerial Telly's bookie - rest in peace, loser
Aerial Telly - love and compassion in his heart, cash money in his wallet and your girl on his jock
Aerial Telly pulls boxing from the flames of the 50 storey burning shithouse constructed by Valueless and Haye
Aerial Telly's refusal to take inferior prices on Miguel Cotto means he wins AGAIN
Aerial Telly shows a hell of a lot of class by not celebrating yet another night of betting glory
Aerial Telly wins crushing victory against forces of darkness - bookmaker on suicide watch
All the piss in Mexico City can't stop Juan Manuel Marquez from taking an L from Floyd Mayweather
Amir Khan World Champion before the end of the year? Get the fuck out of here.
Bernard Hopkins v Joe Calzaghe is going the distance
Big Brother betting. Brian at 1.83 - have you freaks lost your minds?
Cotto v Margarito - Aerial Telly's boundless compassion means he can't get a wedge on at the correct price
Emmanuel Dapidran Pacquiao is going to beat Richard John Hatton MBE
Joe Calzaghe is going to beat Mikkel Kessler
Joke Calslappy will murder chicken torturing, child support avoiding, dog murderer Roid Jones
Juan Díaz es el Bebé Bull pero Juan Manuel Marquez es El Matador
Juan Diaz wrestles back title of worst bastard in the history of forever from Turdmain Failur
Juan Manuel Marquez murders Juan Diaz to keep Aerial Telly's phenomenal win streak running
Listen up, fuckwads - Floyd Mayweather to beat Oscar De La Hoya on points at anything over 8/11 is the bet of the year
Manny Pacquiao is this generation's Roberto Duran and Aerial Telly is this generation's Ace Rothstein, Giacomo Casanova and George Orwell combined
Manny Pacquiao, the Mexicutioner, has killed more Mexicans than the maquiladoras
Manny Pacquiao, the Mexicutioner, Harvester of Souls, is the greatest fighter that ever lived
OK shitcake bakers get this: Manny Pacquiao is the greatest fighter that ever lived but Floyd Mayweather beats him
O'Neill at 4.5? Lay that motherfucker with everything you've got
Paulie Malignaggi is the biggest turd in boxing history and Aerial Telly is a first ballot Hall of Famer whose genius for calling the big fights is unparalleled
The robbery that wasn't, why Malignaggi is a massive toid and why Pig Tits slaps Poorly into an early grave
Ricky Fatton CAN beat Floyd Mayweather. But the value is Ugly Boy Floyd at 1.57
Roid Jones jnr? You must be joking, Joke.
Turdmain Failure will show Carl Froch that there is more to boxing than the ability to be punched in the face repeatedly without falling over
Turdmain Failure is the worst bastard in the history of forever
Valuev is such a gigantic turd even chinny blowhard ducker David Haye can flush him
When Ricky Hatton beats Paulie Malignaggi like Aerial Telly readers beat their Johnsons, "people" will wonder why the price was 1.48 just days before the massacre
Yes, Aerial Telly puts his money where his miggedy mouth is
You'd have to be a total kiddy fiddler not to back Ricky Hatton against Jose Luis Castillo when Bet Direct are offering 1.62
TV REVIEWS (cont'd)
Pushing Daisies series premiere...
Richard and Judy
Rome Season One
Saxondale
The Secret Life of A Manic Depressive
The Secret Policemen's Ball
Seduction School: Size Doesn't Matter
Sex Addict
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Shameless Season 4
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The Shield - Season Five Finale
The Shield - Season 6
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Six Feet Under
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Skins Season 2
Smoking Room
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Sons of Anarchy Season 2 Premiere
The Sopranos Season 6
Space Cadets
The Spy Who Stole My Life
State of the TV Nation Address
Stepkids In Love
Studs of Suburbia
Summer Heights High
Supernanny
Surviving Disaster
Take That... for the Record
Talk to me
Ted Bundy - Natural Porn Killer
Terminator - The Sarah Connor Chronicles
The Thick Of It
The Thick of It Series 3
This Life +10
This World: Kidnap Cops
True Stories - The Trials Of Amanda Knox
Too Ugly For Love
True Blood
True Blood Season 2 Final
TV's Naughtiest Blunders
Unanimous
Underbelly
Veronica Mars
Veronica Mars Season Three Half-term Report
Veronica Mars Season Two
Veronica Mars Season Three Premiere
Veronica Mars Season Three finale
A Very Social Secretary
Weeds
Weeds Season 3
Weeds Season 4
Weeds Season 5 Finale
Weeds Season 5 Premiere
When Fearne Met Peaches
When Lineker Met Maradona
Wimbledon coverage
The Wire Season 3
The Wire, Season 4
The Wire Season 5 Premiere
The Wire Series Finale
World Cup coverage
World's Deadliest Gangs
X Factor 2005
X-Factor 2007
X-Factor 2008
X-Factor 2009
Zoo Magazine adverts
MISC REVIEWS
40 Pupils Suspended For Bullying
606 with Danny Baker
Amazon Review Scum
Blowjob monologues and the like
Everything is retro, funky and kitsch on eBay nowadays
Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir
An Illustrated History of Dis
Fooled By Randomness
Hip-hop
Indie kids - munching on cock all day, every day, from now until forever
Listen up, douchebags: Larry Merchant KO1 murdering rapist hype merchant scum that constitute boxing's deal-making fight-avoiding turd elite
Morales v Barrera III
Music Sounds Better With You(tube)
NME cool list
Playlouder Reviews
Roid Jones jnr? You must be joking, Joke
Stan Collymore
The Streets
Vertigolf
War Winehouse!
We Expose Palace Security As A Bag Of Shite
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