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Over 400 Reviews. Including: Battlestar Galactica, Veronica Mars, Prison Break, Deadwood, Damages, 30 Rock, 24, The Wire and Lost. Updated Wednesdays and Fridays. You "people" make me sick.

"a depressing but brilliant read.... a superbly written manifesto for nothing." Daniel Hart

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TV REVIEWS

9/11 Faker

10 Years Younger

24: Season 4

24: Season 5

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30 Rock

Abi Titmuss

Aerial Telly Awards 2005

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Aerial Comment

"Ah fuck it - the cunt bit me" - a Steve Irwin tribute

Alive: Back To The Andes

Amy Winehouse on Never Mind the Buzzcocks

Amy Winehouse on the Charlotte Church show

Anti-Social Old Buggers

The Apprentice

The Apprentice Series Three Final

The Apprentice Series 3 half-term report

The Apprentice Season 4

The Apprentice Series 4 Finale

The Armstrongs

Arrested Development

Ashes to Ashes

Balderdash And Piffle

Battered Men: Hidden Lives

Battlestar Galactica Season 3

Battlestar Galactica Season 3 finale

Battlestar Galactica Season 4

Battlestar Galactica Season 4 mid-season finale

Battlestar Galactica: Sometimes a Great Notion

Beauty And The Geek

Being Human

Bernard Manning From Beyond the Grave

Bernard Matthews Golden Moments

Big Brother 2005

Big Brother 2006 Launch Night

Big Brother 2007

Big Brother 2007: Get that chickenhead hoodrat out

Big Brother 2008

Big Brother 2008 - It's a Wonderful Life (when you're not in it, bitch

Big Brother 2008 - Mario must die

Big Brother 2008: Stuart tapped the compassion vending machine and it toppled over and fell on top of him

Big Brother's Big Mouth

Big Brother, Emily Parr and racism

Big Brother got no gas, Sienna Miller got no ass, Mark Ronson got no class

Big Brother poetry

Big Brother, Shilpa Shetty and racism

Bionic Woman pre-air pilot

Bo! in the USA

Bodies

Bodies series finale

Body Shock: Half Ton Man

Bollocks To Cancer

Bonekickers

The Boys Who Killed Stephen Lawrence

Breaking Bad

Bremner, Bird and Fortune

Bring Back...Grange Hill

Britney and Kevin: Chaotic

Buffy the Career Slayer?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Californication

Carnivale

Catherine Tate Christmas Special

CBeebies website

Celebrity Big Brother

Celebrity Big Brother 2006

Celebrity Big Brother 2007

Celebrity Big Brother 2009

Celebrity Fit Club

Celebrity Love Island

The Charlotte Church Show

China

Christmas television review 2006

Comic Relief Does The Apprentice

Coming Of Age

Compulsion

The Contender

The Contender Season Two

Criminal Justice

Cutting Edge: My Kid's Psychic

Cutting Edge: Pram Face

Damages

The Dark Side Of Porn

The Dark Side Of Porn: Amateur Porn

Dead Ringers

Deadwood

Deadwood - a lament

Deadwood Season 3

Derek Acorah's Ghost Towns

Derren Brown: The Heist

Derren Brown's Russian Roulette

Derren Brown - Trick Or Treat

Dexter Season One

Dexter Season Two

Diane Vickers: the claw, the whore, the bore

Dispatches: The Big Heist

Doctor Who

Dragons Den

Drive

EastEnders

Election 2005 coverage

Emily Parr - an apology

Entourage Season 5 Premiere

Escape to the Legion

Euro 2008 TV coverage

Everybody Hates Chris

Extraordinary People - The Girl Who Makes Miracles

Extras

Extras Christmas special

Fat Beauty Contest

Feel The Force

Firefly - The Complete Series

Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir

Fonejacker

Friday Night Project

Generation Kill

Going Cold Turkey

Guys And Dolls

Hannah Bradbeer - wide forehead having X Factor goddess

Heather Mills: what really happened

Heroes

Heroes Season One Finale

Hidden Lives - Three In A Bed

House

How Not To Live Your Life

HSBC adverts

I'm All Shook Up: Parkinson's at 25

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, 2006

I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here 2008

In This Corner

The Inbetweeners

Inside Waco

It's Me Or The Dog

Jericho

John From Cincinnati

Jordan and Peter: Marriage And Mayhem

Joss Stone Cadbury's Flake advert

Joss Whedon's Dollhouse will be the greatest television show in history

Journeyman

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Keys To The Vip

Keys To The Vip update - Aerial Telly bringing "people" together

The Kill Point

King Of Shaves advert

Life

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Life on Mars

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Lost

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Mars Believe World Cup Campaign

Man vs Wild

Mary Archer

The Mentalist

Michael Carroll: King Of Chavs

The Mitchell Brothers' Return

Monkey Dust

Morales v Barrera III

My Family

My Name Is Earl

My Penis And I

Nibble Nobby's Nuts adverts

Nigella

Neighbours 20th anniversary show

No Angels

No Heroics

Old Enough To Be His Mother

Oscars 2005

Party Animals

Peaches Geldof: Teen America

Pete Burns' Cosmetic Surgery Nightmares

The Peter Serafinowicz Show

The Pick-up Artist

The Pickup Artist Season 2 Premiere

Preston's Walk Out on Never Mind The Buzzcocks

Prison Break

Prison Break 2

Prison Break Season Two: half-term report

Prison Break Season Two Premiere

Prison Break Season Two Finale

Prison Break Season 4 Half Term Report

Pulling


Dead Ringers, BBC2

Dead Ringers

BBC2

Here's the formula for impression based comedy. Rather similar to the topical comedy blueprint you take two news events apparently unconnected and incorporate them together in a bizarre scenario which demonstrates some hitherto unknown parallels between the two. Let's say you're a comedy writer and that the news items in front of you are: i) Parliament returns from summer recess. ii) The circus comes to town! Your comedic pay-off: Parliament is a circus! With a ringmaster, unruly animals and a paying public. You're in business.

"And now I mock your folly. And you become the fool. See what a powerful formula this is?"

Faced with a rapidly approaching deadline you might conjure up some joke about how in the circus they spin the plates, in Parliament they spin the truth. And then there's funny guy in the make-up and wig who nobody takes seriously. Or Mr Speaker as I call him. Ha! You thought I was talking about the clown didn't you? And now I mock your folly. And you become the fool. See what a powerful formula this is?

Dead Ringers certainly do as they rarely deviate from the blueprint. And they're quick to kick off their sixth season with an appalling Da Vinci Code take off Da Rolf Harris Code which was as baffling as it was unfunny. I'm not quite sure why Rolf Harris is topical unless it's the only impersonation Jon Culshaw knows people will recognise

"Seriously, is that the best they could come up with, that Jag rhymes with shag? A joke already used by a every sub-editor in the country for a fortnight?"

In other news John Prescott has admitted to an affair and David Blaine is spending a week underwater. Bizarre incorporation scenario: Prescott announces that to emulate David Blaine he is spending a year. In a pie. Because he's fat. See what they did there?

John Prescott gets it again and again and they pile on the pathos with the same trowel Rory Bremner uses to apply political comment. At the end of a GMTV interview Prescott bursts into song "I'm too sexy for my Jag. I'm desperate for a shag". Seriously, is that the best they could come up with, that Jag rhymes with shag? A joke already used by every sub-editor in the country for a fortnight? One that would struggle to get a laugh in a school playground?

But they don't just strike fearlessly at the heart of government. Noel Edmonds also gets it in the neck. They have him addressing the camera with "where the hell do I buy my shirts?". Criticising Edmonds' shirts - that's really going for the throat. OK, nobody said satire had to change the world but there's a general idea that it should be funny.

"'The only time they hit a target worthy of the effort is the 10 Years Younger spoof - accurately reflecting the shallow stupidity and cruelty of that ridiculous show.

Showing that they don't care whose toes they tread on they ruthlessly lampoon clueless indie filth Arctic Monkeys - pointing out that they're a bit like George Formby. If you say so, Jon.

The only time they hit a target worthy of the effort is the 10 Years Younger spoof - accurately reflecting the shallow stupidity and cruelty of that ridiculous show. But everything else misfires horribly. it isn't just bad writers or a lazy script editor that's the problem (although Dead Ringers undoubtedly has both of those) - it's the fundamental ethic of the show that is the problem. Each celebrity is surrounded by a marshmallow bodyguard wearing a T-shirt saying "nobody here gets hurt".

Dead Ringers is a cosy throwback to Seventies light entertainment where jokes about British Leyland workers and British Rail pork pies were delivered with such affection it was like a gentle ribbing around the Christmas dinner table from your family.

"This isn't take-no-prisoners comedy. Dead Ringers take prisoners, give them a comfy cell, call them a lawyer then release them without charge."

This isn't take-no-prisoners comedy. Dead Ringers take prisoners, give them a comfy cell, call them a lawyer then release them without charge. Comedy doesn't have to be nasty. Harry Hill has shown a finely tuned sense of absurdity can be brilliantly effective. But you've got to be very good to pull that off - and if you're not that good then you'd better start breaking some skulls. Because people came to see blood.

Of course, impressionists think that they don't have to be that funny. They think that the funny voice is good enough. So Dead Ringers is bedevilled by the same lazy set-ups and cheap lolly stick gags that have plagued every impressionist vehicle since Mike Yarwood.

It's this poverty of aspiration that means every impressions based show is stillborn. Until they raise the bar and start aiming for something that's funny without the George Bush voice that's not going to change.

The best thing about it: The 10 Years Younger skit.

The worst thing about it: The suffocating cosiness of it all

The verdict on Dead Ringers: Don't do drugs. Well, not that close to a tournament anyway.

Marks out of 10: 4





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AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO LIFE

10 reasons why you're scum if you smoke

2007: your relationshit is going nowhere

2008 - Napoleon Boneypie finally faces her Waterloo

2009 - Aerial Telly keeps coming

50 ways to grieve your lover

Aerial Telly - Black Irish bastard with the heart of a warrior and the soul of a poet

Aerial Telly's favourite TV critics

Aerial Telly - high functioning sociopath with narcissistic tendencies

Aerial Telly is not saying he had sex with Kate McCann but....

Aerial Telly loves Joni Mitchell but Little Green is not a deeply moving account of a mother's love for her child. It is an account of how Joni Mitchell gave up her child for money, fame and cock

Aerial Telly's favourite TV critics

Aerial Telly - sensitive, damaged, wounded yet lionhearted when it comes to the crunch

Aerial Telly will not be sexing Doctor Kate McCann

Amy, for the love of God eat some chips you loopy cunt

Aniston: Jolie's cock arms are 'very uncool'

Apology for slavery

The BBC played with Aerial Telly and all they got was an anal fissure, bruised scrotum, perforated eardrum, fractured occipital lobe, post traumatic stress disorder and the biggest face full of cum ever unleashed in peacetime

The big veiny cock arms of love are strangling Brad Pitt

Gerald McClellan - dog murdering bastard who felt God's fury

Get stuffed you creeps - Aerial Telly is the best thing that ever happened to you and you know it

Give me any backchat and I'll circumcise your face with a knife dipped in shit

God bless the ginger balls of our brave assassin Prince

Got the time, bruv?

Greta Scacchi, insane cock-crazed beauty who boned her cousin

Handsome, talented and a sensational lay - but life is not all roses for Aerial Telly

Happy Christmas cock smokers

Having trouble with your long-turd relationshit? Relax, it's not just you.

Insurance is for punks, credit is for the weak and self-knowledge is a road seldom travelled by the multitude

It was the best of weeks, it was the worst of weeks

Kate McCann requests Aerial Telly phone number.

Ladies - Aerial Telly be loving you long time but preferring cats to children gets you a flea in the ear and the shortest shrift you EVER saw

Ladies - time to ditch the borefriend and get with a real man

Let's get this straight - they drugged her, killed her, sat on her body for three weeks then dumped her in the ocean? Fuck you, Johnny Incompetentos...

The Mamas and the Papas rocked

Mea culpa - you a cunta

"Meet the parents" or "destroy what is left of her shattered self-esteem"

Natasha Collins and Mark Speight, saying NO to drugs and the self pitying twerps who use them

Never forgive, never forget, never for fun

Never mind that the case against them stinks like a hogwhore's cunt - just keep bullying the parents

No, Foxy Knoxy - Aerial Telly will not be representing your interests

OK Peter Hill, Daily Express "editor", I'm calling you out, you lying douchebag punk motherfucker shitbag son of a bitch

Roy Keane resigns like the traitorous bog savage, ignorant culchie mouth breather, overspending underachieving shitheel, violent thug, quitter he is.

She came again today

So, the girl you love has got a ginger borefriend

So, you finally cooked for her - is there anything in life that you can't fuck up?

So, you're on holiday with your girl

So, you finally settled for what you knew you could hang on to

Stop your nonsense, ladies... Aerial Telly is single, sane and straight

Sympathy For The Devil

Who the fuck is Mick Jagger?

You're the only Aerial Telly reader whose girlfriend is safe from him

Your breath smells like a thousand miles of shit.

 

AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO BETTING

200,000 undersexed schlubs have the weekend of their lives after following Aerial Telly's betting advice

Aerial Telly's bookie - rest in peace, loser

Aerial Telly flies across the Atlantic to put his cock in Roy Jones's mouth to silence the chicken torturer forever, making a mockery of the so-called boxing "experts" predictions

Aerial Telly - love and compassion in his heart, cash money in his wallet and your girl on his jock

Aerial Telly's refusal to take inferior prices on Miguel Cotto means he wins AGAIN

Aerial Telly shows a hell of a lot of class by not celebrating yet another night of betting glory

Aerial Telly wins crushing victory against forces of darkness - bookmaker on suicide watch

Amir Khan World Champion before the end of the year? Get the fuck out of here.

Amir Khan played with Aerial Telly and all he got was a broken jaw, a face full of cum and a crate full of broken dreams

Antonio Margarito is a cheating sick piece of shit who should be banned from boxing for life for stealing victory from Aerial Telly and Miguel Cotto should be reinstated as the rightful welterweight champion of the world

The beast Miguel Cotto is going to buttfuck Antonio Margarito, piss in his face, then stomp him to death in front of a horrified bipartisan crowd as Margarito's wife weeps bitter tears before swearing revenge against the savage Puerto Rican and all his countrymen.

Bernard Hopkins v Joe Calzaghe is going the distance

Big Brother betting. Brian at 1.83 - have you freaks lost your minds?

Cotto v Margarito - Aerial Telly's boundless compassion means he can't get a wedge on at the correct price

Joe Calzaghe is going to beat Mikkel Kessler

Joke Calslappy will murder chicken torturing, child support avoiding, dog murderer Roid Jones

Listen up, fuckwads - Floyd Mayweather to beat Oscar De La Hoya on points at anything over 8/11 is the bet of the year

Manny Pacquiao, the Mexicutioner, has killed more Mexicans than the maquiladoras

Manny Pacquiao, the Mexicutioner, Harvester of Souls, is the greatest fighter that ever lived

O'Neill at 4.5? Lay that motherfucker with everything you've got

OK, you Appalachian pissdrinkers get this - Winky Wright to beat Bernard Hopkins at evens is a phenomenal bet, the type that comes around once a century

Paulie Malignaggi is the biggest turd in boxing history and Aerial Telly is a first ballot Hall of Famer whose genius for calling the big fights is unparalleled

Ricky Fatton CAN beat Floyd Mayweather. But the value is Ugly Boy Floyd at 1.57

Roid Jones jnr? You must be joking, Joke

Scandinavian betting giant's eyes water as they take a balls deep ass fucking from Aerial Telly

When Ricky Hatton beats Paulie Malignaggi like Aerial Telly readers beat their Johnsons, "people" will wonder why the price was 1.48 just days before the massacre

Yes, Aerial Telly puts his money where his miggedy mouth is

You'd have to be a total kiddy fiddler not to back Ricky Hatton against Jose Luis Castillo when Bet Direct are offering 1.62

 

TV REVIEWS (cont'd)

Pushing Daisies series premiere...

Richard and Judy

Rome Season One

Saxondale

The Secret Life of A Manic Depressive

The Secret Policemen's Ball

Seduction School: Size Doesn't Matter

Sex Addict

Seymour Butts

Shameless

Shameless Season 4

Shane

The Shield

The Shield - Season Five Finale

The Shield - Season 6

The Shield series finale

Six Feet Under

Skins

Skins Season 2

Smoking Room

Sons of Anarchy

The Sopranos Season 6

Space Cadets

The Spy Who Stole My Life

State of the TV Nation Address

Stepkids In Love

Studs of Suburbia

Summer Heights High

Supernanny

Surviving Disaster

Take That... for the Record

Talk to me

Ted Bundy - Natural Porn Killer

Terminator - The Sarah Connor Chronicles

The Thick Of It

This Life +10

This World: Kidnap Cops

Too Ugly For Love

True Blood

TV's Naughtiest Blunders

Unanimous

Veronica Mars

Veronica Mars Season Three Half-term Report

Veronica Mars Season Two

Veronica Mars Season Three Premiere

Veronica Mars Season Three finale

A Very Social Secretary

Weeds

Weeds Season 3

When Lineker Met Maradona

Wimbledon coverage

The Wire Season 3

The Wire, Season 4

The Wire Season 5 Premiere

The Wire Series Finale

World Cup coverage

World's Deadliest Gangs

X Factor 2005

X-Factor 2007

Zoo Magazine adverts

 

FILM REVIEWS

28 Weeks Later

2 Days In Paris

American Gangster

Apocalypto

Atonement

The Bank Job

The Bourne Ultimatum

Control

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Dawn Of The Dead

The Departed

The Descent

Fahrenheit 9/11

Hard Candy

Ils (Them)

In Bruges

Juno

Lars and the Real Girl

Let The Right One In

Lust, Caution

Man on Wire

Notes On A Scandal

Once

Open Water

Pan's Labyrinth

Rocky Balboa

Saw

Super Size Me

United 93

WALL-E

When the Levees Broke

The Wrestler

Zodiac

 

MISC REVIEWS

40 Pupils Suspended For Bullying

Amazon Review Scum

Aerial Telly forever - Birmingham arts scene scum never

Blowjob monologues and the like

Ellen MacArthur

Everything is retro, funky and kitsch on eBay nowadays

Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir

An Illustrated History of Dis

Fooled By Randomness

Hip-hop

Indie kids - munching on cock all day, every day, from now until forever

Listen up, douchebags: Larry Merchant KO1 murdering rapist hype merchant scum that constitute boxing's deal-making fight-avoiding turd elite

Morales v Barrera III

Music Sounds Better With You(tube)

NME cool list

Paralympics

Playlouder Reviews

Roid Jones jnr? You must be joking, Joke

Stan Collymore

The Streets

Vertigolf

War Winehouse!

We Expose Palace Security As A Bag Of Shite