We are thankfully in the finishing straight of In the Club and this week it’s Jasmin‘s turn to add to the population crisis and she starts as she means to go on moaning like a sow at Dr Bellendam. She manages to be more annoying than Nausey Roanna – a colossal effort from the greyhound faced adulterer. Dev is still being a dickless cuckold fuck and he confirms his bottom of the pecking order status by acquiring a phantom labour hurty tummy. It’s hard to watch for all the wrong reasons.
When the baby appears it’s a girl whiter than Bianca from EastEnders. It’s bad enough that it’s an Asian woman has produced a human being who isn’t male but in addition it’s a pale faced genetic atrocity and crime against God. Nonetheless, it’s a great day for paternity fraud. “She’s my daughter whatever” says Dev, demonstrating his complete ignorance of genetics and pretty much everything.
The actual baby father posh bastard Jack is still sniffing around (because Jasmin’s such a catch, remember). He bursts into neonatal to tell her he is a haemophilia. “What’s you having haemophilia got to do with us?” asks Jasmin demonstrating her complete ignorance of genetics and pretty much everything.
“What’s you having haemophilia got to do with us?” asks Jasmin demonstrating her complete ignorance of genetics and pretty much everything.
They make up some cover story about Dev being the father but it’s clearly bullshit. In addition to being the wrong sex and the wrong race the baby also has shit blood. Jesus Christ what a clusterfuck.
Speaking of shit babies Baby Dope is finally breathing without a ventilator and not before time the lazy schlub. Casa Spunk Donor loses a few members when Jen pisses off back to Susie’s with the baby but Ginger Jailbait and the rest stay put. Spunk Donor has better pizzas.
Nausey Roanna and Child Bride move in with Mother of Child Bride in her Mock Tudor mansion she has specially built in the grounds of her 30 billion acre estate. When Father of Child Bride rolls up there’s unmistakable sexual tension between him and Roanna meaning they almost certainly fucked meaning that Child Bride is almost certainly her son making Spawn of Child Bride his own uncle or some shit.
And the worst thing of all? Every cunt’s still from the north of England.
The verdict: Thank Christ this is nearly over.
Marks out of 10: 5