Solicitor? Get tae fuck
Bullyboy thug, man-of-the-people shitbird fraud, nose biting suicide contemplating one trick pit pony Vinnie Jones spent the first two weeks of Celebrity Big Brother being the surly, menacing, unpleasant twunt you always knew he would be – picking on poor old Alex Reid‘s insecurities, giving it the wise man of Hollywood bit and using the kitchen as his own personal fiefdom. This, combined with his homespun charm and winning grin1 , eased him into favourite in the betting. So far so blehh. But this week the lovable rogue mask slipped and revealed an exposed arse, leaving him looking rather like the Vibrating Bum-Faced Goats from Viz.
"Jones was the surly, menacing, unpleasant twunt you always knew he would be. But this week the lovable rogue mask slipped and revealed the exposed arse, leaving him looking rather like the Vibrating Bum-Faced Goats from Viz."
It started when Vinnie heard the drunk as a skunk cornball Sisqo CHATTING SHIT about him. By which we mean expressing the valid opinion that their residence had become "Vinnie’s playhouse" and that Jones might not be the greatest man who ever lived. Incensed by this savage attack, Jones burst into the diary room, rulebook in hand and demanded Big Brother take action. Sisqo was offending him and worst of all, his faaaaaamily. Say what?
The moment anybody mentions their family in these situations you know they are a piece of shit. It’s the classic calling card of any thug before an act of violence to say he’s doing it not frimself but por familia. In a hilarious diary room meltdown he told Big Brother that he would be hearing from his solicitor. Come again, Vinnie? I thought hard men didn’t snitch?
"Jones implied that he could beat up the 3 foot tall Thong Song man. Sisqo isn’t the toughest guy in the world. He isn’t even the toughest guy in Dru Hill"
When speaking to other housemates he said, "If the cameras werent on that’d of been sorted out last night" implying that he could beat up the 3 foot tall Thong Song man. He felt like throwing him "through a window" he told them. Wow, you’re hard Vinnie. Sisqo isn’t the toughest guy in the world. He isn’t even the toughest guy in Dru Hill (that honour going naturally to Nokio the N-Tity)
It was a turning point for the turd who has been drifting in the betting ever since and even sweeter is that his favourite fish-in-a-barrel target practice Alex Reid, who Jones is plainly convinced cannot win, is the new favourite. It would be a fine way for the final Celebrity Big Brother series to end if Jones could watch himself beaten by somebody hated just three weeks previous, someone clearly pussywhipped to within an inch of his life by salmon pink freakshow Katie Price but someone essentially decent and quite good fun.
So Aerial Telly is backing the Reidernator. He feels it is the choice of the righteous.
1 Winning in the sense of winning a prize in a raffle and discovering it’s a broken travel iron with a handle smeared with shit.
Imagined: Wednesday, January 27, 2010