The Bridge series 2 episode 5 review

The Bridge series 2 episode 5 review | Laura the explorer

Published by jamdog on 17th January, 2014.

 The Bridge series 2 episode 5 review
BBC Four

Previously on The Bridge: a night-time sortie to Malmo Stadium went awry – the bullets they did fly. Great news everybody: Laura lives! And so does Julian! Admittedly he’s strapped to a slab with his arm attached to an intravenous drip of pharmaceutical quality heroin, bleeding through his nose, eyes, ears and ringpiece as a Josef Mengele goon in a hazmat suit records his vitals. It’s not much of a life yet still infinitely preferable to hanging around those dumb Friends of Faxborg hippies.

Alexander can relate – things aren’t going his way at all. Caroline brutally turns down his kind offer of new tits and is proper snarky about it. You try to help a broad out and she throws it back in your face. Everyday misandry. It’s a challenging time for Beate too as she visits the hospital to check that the Laura pumpum is still fresh. Weird dad assures her that it is he checked himself just this morning. Everyone’s happy. But when she waits in Laura’s room for her return she sits on a poisoned syringe meant for Laura and dies with the quickness. Like I said, challenging.

Beate visits the hospital to check that the Laura pumpum is still fresh. Weird dad assures her that it is he checked himself just this morning.

Laura was out because Saga and Martin had taken her to the stadium to relive the colossally traumatic shooting. Saga enthusiastically enters into a role-play exercise recreating Laura’s near death in the hopes of jogging her memory. Instead she over eggs the pudding, ruins Laura’s brain and makes her collapse. Nice going, Scarface.

Over at the prison the Martin and Jens show continues with its audience of zero viewers. Martin wants to get him policing again, on the case with him and Saga and to this end he leaves the plague and poisonings case file with him.  Martin’s thinking, he explains to Lillian, is to make Jens understand what he did not just in his mind but his heart. I suppose that makes more sense than the Hannibal Lecter evil incarcerated genius shedding light on the unsolvable murder.

In other entertainment news the Pig, the Hare, the Rat and the Fox have a new video out and its message: millions of animals suffer every day. I can imagine – their parents must be worried sick for starters. Legislate against animal testing, they continue, or the science researcher they just kidnapped dies. These dicks walk everywhere in the animal heads. It’s like Wind in the Willows up in here.

It’s a spirited effort from the animal kingdom but police find the researcher after an impressive epiphany from that useless cunt Rasmus who Saga rewards by immediately reporting him to internal affairs. “How the fuck are you allowed in the police?” he asks. She responds “I’m an excellent detective”. That told you, sunshine.

They get a lucky break when Julian falls out of a barrel of acid from a chemical company – well, what’s left of him anyway. It seems the bad guys get warehouse worker  Sammy to disappear their special barrels for a fee. He’s just a prawn in this game so the cops let him go and put a tail on him. A prawn tail.

 Julian falls out of a barrel of acid from a chemical company – well, what’s left of him anyway.

Caroline meanwhile (sensing an affair, after all why else with the offer a pair of tits as a birthday present?) goes through her husbland’s things and finds a revolver and some bullets – the kind you might use to shoot a teenage lesbian. You just knew he was a wrong ‘un and when Claudio the hooker gets a text from her number asking to meet you just know he’s wormfood. He is whacked on the head with a shovel and left to die like a cunt. Oh Claudio, you had sex with busy affluent fortysomethings and then got killed for it. You will be remembered. ¹

We end on a shocker after Saga checks into a hotel in Malmo (the long-turd relationshit is turning to be not her thing, quelle surprise). Just as she tucks into a sandwich there’s a knock at the door. It’s the Fox and his friends – they’re packing heat and they are ready to write a Saga all of their own. Blimey.

The verdict: Animal nitrate.

Marks out of 10: 8.5

¹ Seriously, anybody remember this cunt’s name the moment the shovel hit his skull?

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The Bridge series 2 episode 5
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