aerial telly: the tv panopticonYou 'people' make me sick

Over 300 Reviews. Including: The Apprentice, Veronica Mars, Prison Break, Deadwood, My Name Is Earl, 24, Heroes and Lost. Updated Wednesdays and Fridays. You "people" make me sick.

"a depressing but brilliant read.... a superbly written manifesto for nothing." Daniel Hart

INFO

Home

About Aerial Telly

Aerial Telly in The Guardian

Love List

The noble truths of Aerial Telly

Turn-off TV Week

Review Index

Mailbag

 

TV REVIEWS

10 Years Younger

24: Season 4

24: Season 5

24 Season 5 finale

24: Season 6

30 Rock

Abi Titmuss

Aerial Telly Awards 2005

Aerial Telly Awards 2006

Aerial Telly Awards 2007

Aerial Telly search queries

Aerial Telly search queries 2

Aerial Telly search queries 3

Aerial Comment

Alive: Back To The Andes

Amy Winehouse on Never Mind the Buzzcocks

Amy Winehouse on the Charlotte Church show

Anti-Social Old Buggers

The Apprentice

The Apprentice Series Three Final

The Apprentice Series 3 half-term report

The Apprentice Season 4

The Apprentice Series 4 Finale

The Armstrongs

Ashes to Ashes

Balderdash And Piffle

Battered Men: Hidden Lives

Battlestar Galactica Season 3

Battlestar Galactica Season 3 finale

Battlestar Galactica Season 4

Battlestar Galactica Season 4 mid-season finale

Beauty And The Geek

Bernard Manning From Beyond the Grave

Bernard Matthews Golden Moments

Big Brother 2005

Big Brother 2006 Launch Night

Big Brother 2007

Big Brother 2007: Get that chickenhead hoodrat out

Big Brother 2008

Big Brother 2008 - It's a Wonderful Life (when you're not in it, bitch

Big Brother's Big Mouth

Big Brother, Emily Parr and racism

Big Brother poetry

Big Brother, Shilpa Shetty and racism

Bionic Woman pre-air pilot

Bo! in the USA

Bodies

Bodies series finale

Body Shock: Half Ton Man

Bollocks To Cancer

The Boys Who Killed Stephen Lawrence

Breaking Bad

Bremner, Bird and Fortune

Bring Back...Grange Hill

Britney and Kevin: Chaotic

Buffy the Career Slayer?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Californication

Carnivale

Catherine Tate Christmas Special

CBeebies website

Celebrity Big Brother

Celebrity Big Brother 2006

Celebrity Big Brother 2007

Celebrity Fit Club

Celebrity Love Island

The Charlotte Church Show

China

Christmas television review 2006

Comic Relief Does The Apprentice

Compulsion

The Contender

The Contender Season Two

Criminal Justice

Cutting Edge: My Kid's Psychic

Cutting Edge: Pram Face

Damages

The Dark Side Of Porn

The Dark Side Of Porn: Amateur Porn

Dead Ringers

Deadwood

Deadwood - a lament

Deadwood Season 3

Derek Acorah's Ghost Towns

Derren Brown: The Heist

Derren Brown's Russian Roulette

Derren Brown - Trick Or Treat

Dexter Season One

Dexter Season Two...

Dispatches: The Big Heist

Doctor Who

Dragons Den

Drive

EastEnders

Election 2005 coverage

Emily Parr - an apology

Escape to the Legion

Euro 2008 TV coverage

Everybody Hates Chris

Extraordinary People - The Girl Who Makes Miracles

Extras

Extras Christmas special

Fat Beauty Contest

Feel The Force

Firefly - The Complete Series

Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir

Fonejacker

Friday Night Project

Going Cold Turkey

Guys And Dolls

Heather Mills: what really happened

Heroes

Heroes Season One Finale

Hidden Lives - Three In A Bed

House

HSBC adverts

I'm All Shook Up: Parkinson's at 25

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, 2006

In This Corner

The Inbetweeners

Inside Waco

It's Me Or The Dog

Jericho

John From Cincinnati

Jordan and Peter: Marriage And Mayhem

Joss Stone Cadbury's Flake advert

Joss Whedon's Dollhouse will be the greatest television show in history

Journeyman

jPod

Keys To The Vip

Keys To The Vip update - Aerial Telly bringing "people" together

The Kill Point

King Of Shaves advert

Life on Mars

Life

Loose Women

Lost

Lost Season 2

Lost Season Three Finale

Lost Season 3: half-term report

Lost Season 3 Premiere

Lost Season Four Half Term report

Mad Men

The Madness of Boy George

Mars Believe World Cup Campaign

Man vs Wild

Mary Archer

Michael Carroll: King Of Chavs

The Mitchell Brothers' Return

Monkey Dust

Morales v Barrera III

My Family

My Name Is Earl

My Penis And I

Nibble Nobby's Nuts adverts

Nigella

Neighbours 20th anniversary show

No Angels

Old Enough To Be His Mother

Oscars 2005

Party Animals

Peaches Geldof: Teen America

Pete Burns' Cosmetic Surgery Nightmares

The Peter Serafinowicz Show

The Pick-up Artist

Preston's Walk Out on Never Mind The Buzzcocks

Prison Break

Prison Break 2

Prison Break Season Two: half-term report

Prison Break Season Two Premiere

Prison Break Season Two Finale

Pulling


Skins Season 2

Breaking Bad

AMC

The publicity for AMC drama Breaking Bad seems to be deliberately unappealing. A 50-year-old man in his Y-fronts holding a gun somewhere out in the desert is the polar opposite of aspirational. Maybe series creator Vince Gilligan had enough of photogenic stars when he worked on The X-Files. Aerial Telly was never really a fan of The X-Files ever since the episode where they had a stretchy man in an air vent. But he is happy to report that Breaking Bad is a very fine show - clever and darkly funny. They've gone with the "place your protagonist out of his depth and see if he swims" approach and it works just swell.

"Aerial Telly was never really a fan of The X-Files ever since the episode where they had a stretchy man in an air vent. But he is happy to report that Breaking Bad is a very fine show - clever and darkly funny. "

The man in the speedos is Walter White (Bryan Cranston) a middle-aged middle of the road chemistry teacher dealing with the regular teenager America schlubs who want nothing to do with chemistry. His world capsizes when he is diagnosed with terminal cancer . Having to provide for his pregnant wife Skyler (Anna Gunn) and their disabled teenage son Walt jnr (RJ Mitte), Walt decides that a life of crime is the way to go, setting up a high class meth lab with a small-time local drug dealer Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul). Well obviously - that's what we'd all do, right?

"The chemistry teacher sells illegal chemicals while his body is being destroyed by chemical therapy - irony grows exponentially."

As is often the case in these situations, Walt's brother-in-law Hank Schrader (Dean Norris) is a DEA agent. He's a shaven headed no-nonsense strike team type cop who just loves catching drug dealers. I'd be calling him Vic Spackey if Herc hadn't already snatched up that title. Hank can spot a meth dealer a mile off but he's not so good spotting the one right under his nose.

Using the magnificent Power of Chemistry, Walt is able to come up with some of the best meth ever created giving him a certain amount of clout in the drug game. Each week a different chemical helps tackle the problem du jour be it dissolving a dead body or causing an explosion and it's always ingenious. It's a lot like season one Prison Break with Walt tapping a seemingly boundless fount of weird science to achieve the impossible. The chemistry teacher sells illegal chemicals while his body is being destroyed by chemical therapy - irony grows exponentially.

"Of course, in real life they'd snatch your fucking arm off if you offered to pay for life-saving treatment. But no, in drama they start manufacturing and distributing hard drugs. "

Walt is a man on the edge. Dealing with the debilitating effects of chemotherapy, his distraught wife and the stresses of The Game, you feel he could blow at any minute. Once he gets on the expensive chemo he needs to stay dealing to pay for that. Because of course he won't accept the charity that a rich friend offers. People in drama never accept charity - it's just not done. Of course, in real life they'd snatch your fucking arm off if you offered to pay for life-saving treatment. But no, in drama they start manufacturing and distributing hard drugs. And thank Christ for that.

"Like Weeds it has a drug dealing suburbanite negotiating their way through the retail and wholesale of controlled substances."

In a bizarre move AMC mute all the swear words. This is spectacularly patronising to the viewer and everyone now sees athat AMC have no balls and no heart. This is broadcast at 10 p.m. for the love of God. Fucking American Christians. Not to mention that they pixelate tits in the pilot. It's like watching Japanese porno1

USA Today called Breaking Bad "The best thing to happen to television since the first season of The Sopranos" which is pushing it a touch but this is a really good show. Think Falling Down meets Weeds. Like Falling Down it has a middle-aged Middle American reaching breaking point, like Weeds it has a drug dealing suburbanite negotiating their way through the retail and wholesale of controlled substances. It's a strong premise that they make the most of with no lazy or gimmicky threads creeping in. The writers strike limited the first season to 7 episodes but a second season has already been commissioned. I predict great things.

The best thing about it: The magic of chemistry.

The worst thing about it: Pixelated bongos. Seriously -- what the fuck?

The verdict on Breaking Bad: Dude, your dorky chemistry teacher is like totally a drug dealer!

Marks out of 10: 8

1 Aerial Telly does not watch such nonsense. He has no need for Japanese porno. His entire life is like the highest class porn movie you ever saw.

 

Imagined: 23rd May 2008

Contact Aerial Telly

 

AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO LIFE

10 reasons why you're scum if you smoke

2007: your relationshit is going nowhere

2008 - Napoleon Boneypie finally faces her Waterloo.

50 ways to grieve your lover

Aerial Telly - Black Irish bastard with the heart of a warrior and the soul of a poet

Aerial Telly's favourite TV critics

Aerial Telly - high functioning sociopath with narcissistic tendencies

Aerial Telly is not saying he had sex with Kate McCann but....

Aerial Telly loves Joni Mitchell but Little Green is not a deeply moving account of a mother's love for her child. It is an account of how Joni Mitchell gave up her child for money, fame and cock

Aerial Telly's favourite TV critics

Aerial Telly - sensitive, damaged, wounded yet lionhearted when it comes to the crunch

Aerial Telly will not be sexing Doctor Kate McCann

Amy, for the love of God eat some chips you loopy cunt

Apology for slavery

The big veiny cock arms of love are strangling Brad Pitt

Gerald McClellan - dog murdering bastard who felt God's fury

Get stuffed you creeps - Aerial Telly is the best thing that ever happened to you and you know it

God bless the ginger balls of our brave assassin Prince

Got the time, bruv?

Handsome, talented and a sensational lay - but life is not all roses for Aerial Telly

Happy Christmas cock smokers

Having trouble with your long-turd relationshit? Relax, it's not just you.

It was the best of weeks, it was the worst of weeks

Kate McCann requests Aerial Telly phone number.

Ladies - time to ditch the borefriend and get with a real man

Let's get this straight - they drugged her, killed her, sat on her body for three weeks then dumped her in the ocean? Fuck you, Johnny Incompetentos...

The Mamas and the Papas rocked

Mea culpa - you a cunta

"Meet the parents" or "destroy what is left of her shattered self-esteem"

Natasha Collins and Mark Speight, saying NO to drugs and the self pitying twerps who use them

Never forgive, never forget, never for fun

Never mind that the case against them stinks like a hogwhore's cunt - just keep bullying the parents

No, Foxy Knoxy - Aerial Telly will not be representing your interests

OK Peter Hill, Daily Express "editor", I'm calling you out, you lying douchebag punk motherfucker shitbag son of a bitch

She came again today

So, the girl you love has got a ginger borefriend

So, you finally cooked for her - is there anything in life that you can't fuck up?

So, you're on holiday with your girl

Stop your nonsense, ladies...Aerial Telly is single, sane and straight

Sympathy For The Devil

Who the fuck is Mick Jagger?

You're the only Aerial Telly reader whose girlfriend is safe from him

Your breath smells like a thousand miles of shit.

 

AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO BETTING

200,000 undersexed schlubs have the weekend of their lives after following Aerial Telly's betting advice

Aerial Telly's bookie - rest in peace, loser

Aerial Telly - love and compassion in his heart, cash money in his wallet and your girl on his jock

Aerial Telly shows a hell of a lot of class by not celebrating yet another night of betting glory

Aerial Telly wins crushing victory against forces of darkness - bookmaker on suicide watch

Amir Khan World Champion before the end of the year? Get the fuck out of here.

The beast Miguel Cotto is going to buttfuck Antonio Margarito, piss in his face, then stomp him to death in front of a horrified bipartisan crowd as Margarito's wife weeps bitter tears before swearing revenge against the savage Puerto Rican and all his countrymen.

Bernard Hopkins v Joe Calzaghe is going the distance

Big Brother betting. Brian at 1.83 - have you freaks lost your minds?

Joe Calzaghe is going to beat Mikkel Kessler

Listen up, fuckwads - Floyd Mayweather to beat Oscar De La Hoya on points at anything over 8/11 is the bet of the year

Manny Pacquiao, the Mexicutioner, has killed more Mexicans than the maquiladoras

Manny Pacquiao, the Mexicutioner, Harvester of Souls, is the greatest fighter that ever lived

O'Neill at 4.5? Lay that motherfucker with everything you've got

OK, you Appalachian pissdrinkers get this - Winky Wright to beat Bernard Hopkins at evens is a phenomenal bet, the type that comes around once a century

Ricky Fatton CAN beat Floyd Mayweather. But the value is Ugly Boy Floyd at 1.57

Scandinavian betting giant's eyes water as they take a balls deep ass fucking from Aerial Telly

Yes, Aerial Telly puts his money where his miggedy mouth is

You'd have to be a total kiddy fiddler not to back Ricky Hatton against Jose Luis Castillo when Bet Direct are offering 1.62

 

TV REVIEWS (cont'd)

Pushing Daisies series premiere...

Richard and Judy

Rome Season One

Saxondale

The Secret Life of A Manic Depressive

The Secret Policemen's Ball

Seduction School: Size Doesn't Matter

Sex Addict

Seymour Butts

Shameless

Shameless Season 4

Shane

The Shield

The Shield - Season Five Finale

The Shield - Season 6

Six Feet Under

Skins

Skins Season 2

Smoking Room

The Sopranos Season 6

Space Cadets

The Spy Who Stole My Life

State of the TV Nation Address

Stepkids In Love

Studs of Suburbia

Summer Heights High

Supernanny

Surviving Disaster

Take That... for the Record

Talk to me

Ted Bundy - Natural Porn Killer

The Thick Of It

This Life +10

This World: Kidnap Cops

Too Ugly For Love

TV's Naughtiest Blunders

Unanimous

Veronica Mars

Veronica Mars Season Three Half-term Report

Veronica Mars Season Two

Veronica Mars Season Three Premiere

Veronica Mars Season Three finale

A Very Social Secretary

Weeds

Weeds Season 3

When Lineker Met Maradona

Wimbledon coverage

The Wire Season 3

The Wire, Season 4

The Wire Season 5 Premiere

The Wire Series Finale

World Cup coverage

World's Deadliest Gangs

X Factor 2005

X-Factor 2007

Zoo Magazine adverts

 

FILM REVIEWS

28 Weeks Later

2 Days In Paris

American Gangster

Apocalypto

Atonement

The Bank Job

The Bourne Ultimatum

Control

Dawn Of The Dead

The Departed

The Descent

Fahrenheit 9/11

Hard Candy

Ils (Them)

Juno

Lars and the Real Girl

Lust, Caution

Notes On A Scandal

Once

Open Water

Pan's Labyrinth

Rocky Balboa

Saw

Super Size Me

United 93

When the Levees Broke

 

MISC REVIEWS

40 Pupils Suspended For Bullying

Amazon Review Scum

Aerial Telly forever - Birmingham arts scene scum never

Blowjob monologues and the like

Ellen MacArthur

Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir

An Illustrated History of Dis

Fooled By Randomness

Hip-hop

Listen up, douchebags: Larry Merchant KO1 murdering rapist hype merchant scum that constitute boxing's deal-making fight-avoiding turd elite

Morales v Barrera III

Music Sounds Better With You(tube)

NME cool list

Paralympics

Playlouder Reviews

Roid Jones jnr? You must be joking, Joke

Stan Collymore

The Streets

Vertigolf

War Winehouse!

We Expose Palace Security As A Bag Of Shite