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Over 300 Reviews. Including: The Apprentice, Veronica Mars, Prison Break, Deadwood, My Name Is Earl, 24, Heroes and Lost. Updated Wednesdays and Fridays. You "people" make me sick.

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TV REVIEWS

10 Years Younger

24: Season 4

24: Season 5

24 Season 5 finale

24: Season 6

30 Rock

Abi Titmuss

Aerial Telly Awards 2005

Aerial Telly Awards 2006

Aerial Telly Awards 2007

Aerial Telly search queries

Aerial Telly search queries 2

Aerial Telly search queries 3

Aerial Comment

Alive: Back To The Andes

Amy Winehouse on Never Mind the Buzzcocks

Amy Winehouse on the Charlotte Church show

Anti-Social Old Buggers

The Apprentice

The Apprentice Series Three Final

The Apprentice Series 3 half-term report

The Apprentice Season 4

The Armstrongs

Ashes to Ashes

Balderdash And Piffle

Battered Men: Hidden Lives

Battlestar Galactica Season 3

Battlestar Galactica Season 3 finale

Beauty And The Geek

Bernard Manning From Beyond the Grave

Bernard Matthews Golden Moments

Big Brother 2005

Big Brother 2006 Launch Night

Big Brother 2007

Big Brother 2007: Get that chickenhead hoodrat out

Big Brother's Big Mouth

Big Brother, Emily Parr and racism

Big Brother, Shilpa Shetty and racism

Bionic Woman pre-air pilot

Bo! in the USA

Bodies

Bodies series finale

Body Shock: Half Ton Man

Bollocks To Cancer

The Boys Who Killed Stephen Lawrence

Bremner, Bird and Fortune

Bring Back...Grange Hill

Britney and Kevin: Chaotic

Buffy the Career Slayer?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Californication

Carnivale

Catherine Tate Christmas Special

CBeebies website

Celebrity Big Brother

Celebrity Big Brother 2006

Celebrity Big Brother 2007

Celebrity Fit Club

Celebrity Love Island

The Charlotte Church Show

China

Christmas television review 2006

Comic Relief Does The Apprentice

Compulsion

The Contender

The Contender Season Two

Cutting Edge: My Kid's Psychic

Cutting Edge: Pram Face

The Dark Side Of Porn

The Dark Side Of Porn: Amateur Porn

Dead Ringers

Deadwood

Deadwood - a lament

Deadwood Season 3

Derek Acorah's Ghost Towns

Derren Brown: The Heist

Derren Brown's Russian Roulette

Derren Brown - Trick Or Treat

Dexter Season One

Dexter Season Two...

Dispatches: The Big Heist

Doctor Who

Dragons Den

Drive

EastEnders

Election 2005 coverage

Emily Parr - an apology

Escape to the Legion

Everybody Hates Chris

Extraordinary People - The Girl Who Makes Miracles

Extras

Extras Christmas special

Fat Beauty Contest

Feel The Force

Firefly - The Complete Series

Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir

Fonejacker

Friday Night Project

Going Cold Turkey

Guys And Dolls

Heroes

Heroes Season One Finale

Hidden Lives - Three In A Bed

House

HSBC adverts

I'm All Shook Up: Parkinson's at 25

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, 2006

In This Corner

Inside Waco

It's Me Or The Dog

Jericho

John From Cincinnati

Jordan and Peter: Marriage And Mayhem

Joss Stone Cadbury's Flake advert

Journeyman

jPod

Keys To The Vip

Keys To The Vip update - Aerial Telly bringing "people" together

King Of Shaves advert

Life on Mars

Life

Loose Women

Lost

Lost Season 2

Lost Season Three Finale

Lost Season 3: half-term report

Lost Season 3 Premiere

Lost Season Four Half Term report

Mad Men

The Madness of Boy George

Mars Believe World Cup Campaign

Man vs Wild

Mary Archer

Michael Carroll: King Of Chavs

The Mitchell Brothers' Return

Monkey Dust

Morales v Barrera III

My Family

My Name Is Earl

My Penis And I

Nibble Nobby's Nuts adverts

Nigella

Neighbours 20th anniversary show

No Angels

Old Enough To Be His Mother

Oscars 2005

Party Animals

Peaches Geldof: Teen America

Pete Burns' Cosmetic Surgery Nightmares

The Peter Serafinowicz Show

The Pick-up Artist

Preston's Walk Out on Never Mind The Buzzcocks

Prison Break

Prison Break 2

Prison Break Season Two: half-term report

Prison Break Season Two Premiere

Prison Break Season Two Finale

Pulling

The Bionic Woman pre-air pilot

The Bionic Woman pre-air pilot

NBC

The counter cultural imperialism continues apace. British actors abound in America's top TV shows - Hugh Laurie, Idris Elba, Dominic West and now Michelle Ryan takes the lead role of Jamie Sommers in the re-imagining of The Bionic Woman. If Bertie Wooster playing a grizzled diagnostic genius was a surprise then Zoe Slater playing a 70s superhero icon was a serious what-the-fuck moment. But, you know, she does a pretty good job. Her accent is excellent and with those broad shoulders and long legs she really does look the part of a super athlete. She's an interesting piece of pie with superb eyes, weird mouth and impressive puppies. Her acting career so far has consisted of playing the only attractive Slater sister yet the only one who couldn't get any cock. The producers obviously saw something in Ryan and now they're knee-deep in limey pie. Marvellous.

"Michelle Ryan's acting career so far has consisted of playing the only attractive Slater sister yet the only one who couldn't get any cock."

Jamie is working as a waitress in a cocktail bar, that much is true. But even then she knew she'd find a much better place, either with or without you. She acts as a surrogate mother to her deaf younger sister Becca. This is where casting gets interesting. Mae Whitman who plays deaf sister Becca has been replaced in the role by Lucy Hale. And they've got rid of the deaf angle as well as an NBC executive reportedly asked them to drop the wanky hearing-impaired stuff. NBC announced "The decision was purely creatively driven. It is very common to change storylines, characters, actors after the initial pilot is shot". Yeah, right - you deaf hating bastards. I will say that Mae Whitman is fucking annoying in this pilot but what about Shoshana Stern in Jericho? She's a lovely little piece of deaf pie and quite an engaging character. Screw you, NBC and your roolz.

"I don't see the show lasting long with Jamie looking after her non-deaf sister and mixing the world's fastest banana daiquiri."

Having been nearly killed in a horrific car crash with her surgeon borefriend Will, Jamie is saved by a black ops military intelligence surgical team (who Will leads as a sideline to his hugely successful academic career) who pack her full of cybernetic shit that turn her into the woman who is bionic. The military "people" appear to expect a big return for their investment, and seem set on sending Jamie on all kinds of adventurous missions. Which is a good fucking job because I don't see the show lasting long with Jamie looking after her non-deaf sister and mixing the world's fastest banana daiquiri. Also in the mix is Katee Sackhoff (Starbuck) playing Sarah Corvus, the "original bionic woman" who went all mental and shit and now bats for the other side, whoever they are. I imagine there will be a Buffy-Faith type relationship here with Sarah telling Jamie "You're just like me - evil!" and Jamie will be all "No! And yet I can't help feeling that if things had been different then I would turn out like you and there is therefore this sneaking sympathy and I somehow can't... bring myself... to kill you...." and Sarah will be all "You talk like a fag..."

"It's not one of those shows that was demanding to be remade so it's going to need a pretty strong overriding philosophy like Battlestar Galactica if it's going to have any long-term artistic credibility."

I don't know, man. This doesn't look bad. It's watchable without being unmissable. Ryan does a nice job and is sympathetic as Sommers. I don't see myself watching the entire series but I might look in from time to time. It's not one of those shows that was demanding to be remade so it's going to need a pretty strong overriding philosophy like Battlestar Galactica if it's going to have any long-term artistic credibility. Likely it will just be another half-decent action show. There will be worse ways to waste an hour.

The best thing about it: Michelle Ryan - taking a special part of Walford to Hollywood

The worst thing about it: Annoying deaf sister

The verdict on The Bionic Woman pre-air pilot: Can we expect Fat Kat to turn up?

Marks out of 10: 7

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AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO LIFE

2007: your relationshit is going nowhere

2008 - Napoleon Boneypie finally faces her Waterloo.

50 ways to grieve your lover

Aerial Telly - Black Irish bastard with the heart of a warrior and the soul of a poet

Aerial Telly - high functioning sociopath with narcissistic tendencies

Aerial Telly is not saying he had sex with Kate McCann but....

Aerial Telly loves Joni Mitchell but Little Green is not a deeply moving account of a mother's love for her child. It is an account of how Joni Mitchell gave up her child for money, fame and cock

Aerial Telly will not be sexing Doctor Kate McCann

Amy, for the love of God eat some chips you loopy cunt

Apology for slavery

The big veiny cock arms of love are strangling Brad Pitt

Get stuffed you creeps - Aerial Telly is the best thing that ever happened to you and you know it

God bless the ginger balls of our brave assassin Prince

Handsome, talented and a sensational lay - but life is not all roses for Aerial Telly

Happy Christmas cock smokers

Having trouble with your long-turd relationshit? Relax, it's not just you.

It was the best of weeks, it was the worst of weeks

Kate McCann requests Aerial Telly phone number.

Ladies - time to ditch the borefriend and get with a real man

Let's get this straight - they drugged her, killed her, sat on her body for three weeks then dumped her in the ocean? Fuck you, Johnny Incompetentos...

Mea culpa - you a cunta

"Meet the parents" or "destroy what is left of her shattered self-esteem"

Natasha Collins and Mark Speight, saying NO to drugs and the self pitying twerps who use them

Never forgive, never forget, never for fun

Never mind that the case against them stinks like a hogwhore's cunt - just keep bullying the parents

No, Foxy Knoxy - Aerial Telly will not be representing your interests

OK Peter Hill, Daily Express "editor", I'm calling you out, you lying douchebag punk motherfucker shitbag son of a bitch

She came again today

So, the girl you love has got a ginger borefriend

Stop your nonsense, ladies...Aerial Telly is single, sane and straight

Sympathy For The Devil

Who the fuck is Mick Jagger?

You're the only Aerial Telly reader whose girlfriend is safe from him

Your breath smells like a thousand miles of shit.

 

AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO BETTING

200,000 undersexed schlubs have the weekend of their lives after following Aerial Telly's betting advice

Aerial Telly's bookie - rest in peace, loser

Aerial Telly - love and compassion in his heart, cash money in his wallet and your girl on his jock

Aerial Telly shows a hell of a lot of class by not celebrating yet another night of betting glory

Aerial Telly wins crushing victory against forces of darkness - bookmaker on suicide watch

Bernard Hopkins v Joe Calzaghe is going the distance

Big Brother betting. Brian at 1.83 - have you freaks lost your minds?

Joe Calzaghe is going to beat Mikkel Kessler

Listen up, fuckwads - Floyd Mayweather to beat Oscar De La Hoya on points at anything over 8/11 is the bet of the year

O'Neill at 4.5? Lay that motherfucker with everything you've got

OK, you Appalachian pissdrinkers get this - Winky Wright to beat Bernard Hopkins at evens is a phenomenal bet, the type that comes around once a century

Ricky Fatton CAN beat Floyd Mayweather. But the value is Ugly Boy Floyd at 1.57

Scandinavian betting giant's eyes water as they take a balls deep ass fucking from Aerial Telly

Yes, Aerial Telly puts his money where his miggedy mouth is

You'd have to be a total kiddy fiddler not to back Ricky Hatton against Jose Luis Castillo when Bet Direct are offering 1.62

 

TV REVIEWS (cont'd)

Pushing Daisies series premiere...

Richard and Judy

Rome Season One

Saxondale

The Secret Life of A Manic Depressive

The Secret Policemen's Ball

Seduction School: Size Doesn't Matter

Sex Addict

Seymour Butts

Shameless

Shameless Season 4

Shane

The Shield

The Shield - Season Five Finale

The Shield - Season 6

Skins

Skins Season 2

Smoking Room

The Sopranos Season 6

Space Cadets

The Spy Who Stole My Life

State of the TV Nation Address

Stepkids In Love

Studs of Suburbia

Supernanny

Surviving Disaster

Take That... for the Record

Talk to me

Ted Bundy - Natural Porn Killer

The Thick Of It

This Life +10

This World: Kidnap Cops

Too Ugly For Love

TV's Naughtiest Blunders

Unanimous

Veronica Mars

Veronica Mars Season Three Half-term Report

Veronica Mars Season Two

Veronica Mars Season Three Premiere

Veronica Mars Season Three finale

A Very Social Secretary

Weeds

Weeds Season 3

When Lineker Met Maradona

Wimbledon coverage

The Wire

The Wire, Season 4

The Wire Season 5 Premiere

The Wire Series Finale

World Cup coverage

World's Deadliest Gangs

X Factor 2005

X-Factor 2007

Zoo Magazine adverts

 

FILM REVIEWS

28 Weeks Later

2 Days In Paris

American Gangster

Apocalypto

Atonement

The Bank Job

The Bourne Ultimatum

Control

Dawn Of The Dead

The Departed

The Descent

Fahrenheit 9/11

Hard Candy

Ils (Them)

Lust, Caution

Notes On A Scandal

Once

Open Water

Pan's Labyrinth

Rocky Balboa

Saw

Super Size Me

United 93

When the Levees Broke

 

MISC REVIEWS

40 Pupils Suspended For Bullying

Amazon Review Scum

Aerial Telly forever - Birmingham arts scene scum never

Blowjob monologues and the like

Ellen MacArthur

Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir

An Illustrated History of Dis

Fooled By Randomness

Hip-hop

Listen up, douchebags: Larry Merchant KO1 murdering rapist hype merchant scum that constitute boxing's deal-making fight-avoiding turd elite

Morales v Barrera III

Music Sounds Better With You(tube)

NME cool list

Paralympics

Playlouder Reviews

Stan Collymore

The Streets

Vertigolf

We Expose Palace Security As A Bag Of Shite