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Battered Men: Hidden Lives
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Beauty And The Geek
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Big Brother 2005
Big Brother 2006 Launch Night
Big Brother 2007
Big Brother 2007: Get that chickenhead hoodrat out
Big Brother's Big Mouth
Big Brother, Emily Parr and racism
Big Brother, Shilpa Shetty and racism
Bionic Woman pre-air pilot
Bo! in the USA
Bodies
Bodies series finale
Body Shock: Half Ton Man
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Bring Back...Grange Hill
Britney and Kevin: Chaotic
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Christmas television review 2006
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Compulsion
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The Contender Season Two
Cutting Edge: My Kid's Psychic
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The Dark Side Of Porn: Amateur Porn
Dead Ringers
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Deadwood Season 3
Derek Acorah's Ghost Towns
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Dexter Season One
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My Penis And I
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Neighbours 20th anniversary show
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Old Enough To Be His Mother
Oscars 2005
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Peaches Geldof: Teen America
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Prison Break Season Two: half-term report
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Pulling |
Big Brother's Big Mouth
Channel 4
"Why don't you open the well of madness that is your mind?" Russell Brand
What the fuck to make of Russell Brand? At first he seemed easily dismissible as a lineal descendant of the Wacky Family Tree of TV Presenters. You could imagine some Deuteronomy style verse in the future recalling "Timmy Mallett who begat Chris Evans who begat Russell Brand and, lo, the world did weep...". Yet now he has transformed himself into a national institution (the type they put your Aunt Doris in when she started eating cat food). Something of a household name, he dresses like a Dickensian supervillain and talks and acts like he's rushing through the matinee performance of Jack and the Beanstalk at the Theatre Royal, Brighton.
"Brand ambles around the studio like Roald Dahl's Big Friendly Giant diving into the midst of the audience, becoming overly tactile, baffling them with bizarre questions and generally being an overbearing smart-arse."
All of which makes Big Brother's Big Mouth really quite gripping viewing. Having dispensed with the more formal Big Brother's E-Fourum format Big Mouth removes the Question Time desk, offers more audience participation and a lot more of Russell. Brand ambles around the studio like Roald Dahl's Big Friendly Giant diving into the midst of the audience, becoming overly tactile, baffling them with bizarre questions and generally being an overbearing smart-arse. And the audience love it. He is often very funny and seems to know where he is every second the camera is on him.
"Vanessa Feltz... never less than willing to rattle off her insane opinions and give full value in her role as batty old witch."
He doesn't miss a trick and will simply not allow any lull in the proceedings. The "celebrity" guests brought in to comment on events in the Big Brother house often have little to say for themselves bar parroting back what the audience have just said and he won't let them off the hook, pummelling them with questions until they earn every penny of their £30 appearance fee. Vanessa Feltz is a notable exception to this, never less than willing to rattle off her insane opinions and give full value in her role as batty old witch.
Like Davina McCall, he is a recovering heroin addict and being one of those hugely self-aware narcissistic types he refers to this plenty in his stand-up and Big Mouth monologues. He also moonlights as a tabloid shag monster having apparently done the nasty with living skeleton Kate Moss and Big Brother inmates Kate, Becki and Makosi.
He often references the public perception of him, discussing the "womanising circuit" he belongs to comprising channel swimming nookie king David Walliams and EastEnders love skunks Michael Greco and Dean Gaffney telling increasingly lurid fictional tales of their conquests and rivalry.
"It being ostensibly a public forum we unfortunately have to deal with members of public."
It being ostensibly a public forum we unfortunately have to deal with members of public coming out with stuff like: "I like Glyn - fancying that woman with big knockers and dyeing his hair blond". Doesn't take much to keep you happy, obviously. Although the phone calls to contestants' friends and relatives can throw up the odd gem as in last night's episode when
Jennie's mom addressed dismal panellist Gina Yashere "to the lady who said Jennie was up Aisleyne's arse - at least she's small enough to get up there". The practicalities of that manoeuvre notwithstanding, it was pretty damn funny at the time.
"Brand credits his audience with a lot of intelligence and you need to be alert to keep up with the scattergun allusions, asides and mimicry."
Brand credits his audience with a lot of intelligence and you need to be alert to keep up with the scattergun allusions, asides and mimicry he fires from all angles. He has a good ear for the vocal quirks of the BB contestants, notably with a memorable impersonation of Susie "I nearly went A over T and I nearly banged my self on the C, it reminded me of a time when I was with my husband actually, he wanted to put his D into my C and he said 'can I put it into your A?', I said 'you'll be lucky if I swallow your S!'". How she would blush.
When Davina McCall finally has the Big Brother microphone wrested from her cold dead hands I can think of few more interesting choices than Russell Brand as her replacement. Defying description and simple pigeon-holing, the only thing you can definitively say about him is that he's good television - something you haven't been able to say about Davina for some time.
The best thing about it: Call me oddball but I like Rosebud the horse
The worst thing about it: Idiot members of the public being idiots.
The verdict on Big Brother's Big Mouth: More entertaining than the parent show, at the moment.
Marks out of 10: 8
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AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO LIFE
2007: your relationshit is going nowhere
2008 - Napoleon Boneypie finally faces her Waterloo.
50 ways to grieve your lover
Aerial Telly - Black Irish bastard with the heart of a warrior and the soul of a poet
Aerial Telly - high functioning sociopath with narcissistic tendencies
Aerial Telly is not saying he had sex with Kate McCann but...
Aerial Telly loves Joni Mitchell but Little Green is not a deeply moving account of a mother's love for her child. It is an account of how Joni Mitchell gave up her child for money, fame and cock
Aerial Telly will not be sexing Doctor Kate McCann
Amy, for the love of God eat some chips you loopy cunt
Apology for slavery
The big veiny cock arms of love are strangling Brad Pitt
Get stuffed you creeps - Aerial Telly is the best thing that ever happened to you and you know it
Handsome, talented and a sensational lay - but life is not all roses for Aerial Telly
Happy Christmas cock smokers
Having trouble with your long-turd relationshit? Relax, it's not just you.
It was the best of weeks, it was the worst of weeks
Kate McCann requests Aerial Telly phone number.
Ladies - time to ditch the borefriend and get with a real man
Let's get this straight - they drugged her, killed her, sat on her body for three weeks then dumped her in the ocean? Fuck you, Johnny Incompetentos...
Mea culpa - you a cunta
"Meet the parents" or "destroy what is left of her shattered self-esteem"
Never forgive, never forget, never for fun
Never mind that the case against them stinks like a hogwhore's cunt - just keep bullying the parents
No, Foxy Knoxy - Aerial Telly will not be representing your interests
She came again today
So, the girl you love has got a ginger borefriend
Stop your nonsense, ladies...Aerial Telly is single, sane and straight
Sympathy For The Devil
Who the fuck is Mick Jagger?
You're the only Aerial Telly reader whose girlfriend is safe from him
Your breath smells like a thousand miles of shit.
AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO BETTING
200,000 undersexed schlubs have the weekend of their lives after following Aerial Telly's betting advice
Aerial Telly's bookie - rest in peace, loser
Aerial Telly shows a hell of a lot of class by not celebrating yet another night of betting glory
Aerial Telly wins crushing victory against forces of darkness - bookmaker on suicide watch
Big Brother betting. Brian at 1.83 - have you freaks lost your minds?
Joe Calzaghe is going to beat Mikkel Kessler
Listen up, fuckwads - Floyd Mayweather to beat Oscar De La Hoya on points at anything over 8/11 is the bet of the year
O'Neill at 4.5? Lay that motherfucker with everything you've got
OK, you Appalachian pissdrinkers get this - Winky Wright to beat Bernard Hopkins at evens is a phenomenal bet, the type that comes around once a century
Ricky Fatton CAN beat Floyd Mayweather. But the value is Ugly Boy Floyd at 1.57
Scandinavian betting giant's eyes water as they take a balls deep ass fucking from Aerial Telly
Yes, Aerial Telly puts his money where his miggedy mouth is
You'd have to be a total kiddy fiddler not to back Ricky Hatton against Jose Luis Castillo when Bet Direct are offering 1.62
TV REVIEWS (cont'd)
Pushing Daisies series premiere...
Richard and Judy
Rome Season One
Saxondale
The Secret Life of A Manic Depressive
The Secret Policemen's Ball
Seduction School: Size Doesn't Matter
Sex Addict
Seymour Butts
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Shameless Season 4
Shane
The Shield
The Shield - Season Five Finale
The Shield - Season 6
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Smoking Room
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Space Cadets
The Spy Who Stole My Life
State of the TV Nation Address
Stepkids In Love
Studs of Suburbia
Supernanny
Surviving Disaster
Take That... for the Record
Talk to me
Ted Bundy - Natural Porn Killer
The Thick Of It
This Life +10
This World: Kidnap Cops
Too Ugly For Love
TV's Naughtiest Blunders
Unanimous
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Veronica Mars Season Three Half-term Report
Veronica Mars Season Two
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Veronica Mars Season Three finale
A Very Social Secretary
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When Lineker Met Maradona
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28 Weeks Later
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The Departed
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Hard Candy
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Notes On A Scandal
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When the Levees Broke
MISC REVIEWS
40 Pupils Suspended For Bullying
Amazon Review Scum
Aerial Telly forever - Birmingham arts scene scum never
Blowjob monologues and the like
Ellen MacArthur
Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir
An Illustrated History of Dis
Fooled By Randomness
Hip-hop
Listen up, douchebags: Larry Merchant KO1 murdering rapist hype merchant scum that constitute boxing's deal-making fight-avoiding turd elite
Morales v Barrera III
Music Sounds Better With You(tube)
NME cool list
Paralympics
Playlouder Reviews
Stan Collymore
The Streets
Vertigolf
We Expose Palace Security As A Bag Of Shite
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