aerial telly: the tv panopticonYou 'people' make me sick

Over 300 Reviews. Including: The Apprentice, Veronica Mars, Prison Break, Deadwood, My Name Is Earl, 24, Heroes and Lost. Updated Wednesdays and Fridays. You "people" make me sick.

INFO

Home

About Aerial Telly

Aerial Telly in The Guardian

Love List

The noble truths of Aerial Telly

Turn-off TV Week

Review Index

Mailbag

 

TV REVIEWS

10 Years Younger

24: Season 4

24: Season 5

24 Season 5 finale

24: Season 6

30 Rock

Abi Titmuss

Aerial Telly Awards 2005

Aerial Telly Awards 2006

Aerial Telly Awards 2007

Aerial Telly search queries

Aerial Telly search queries 2

Aerial Telly search queries 3

Aerial Comment

Alive: Back To The Andes

Amy Winehouse on Never Mind the Buzzcocks

Amy Winehouse on the Charlotte Church show

Anti-Social Old Buggers

The Apprentice

The Apprentice Series Three Final

The Apprentice Series 3 half-term report

The Armstrongs

Ashes to Ashes

Balderdash And Piffle

Battered Men: Hidden Lives

Battlestar Galactica Season 3

Battlestar Galactica Season 3 finale

Beauty And The Geek

Bernard Manning From Beyond the Grave

Bernard Matthews Golden Moments

Big Brother 2005

Big Brother 2006 Launch Night

Big Brother 2007

Big Brother 2007: Get that chickenhead hoodrat out

Big Brother's Big Mouth

Big Brother, Emily Parr and racism

Big Brother, Shilpa Shetty and racism

Bionic Woman pre-air pilot

Bo! in the USA

Bodies

Bodies series finale

Body Shock: Half Ton Man

Bollocks To Cancer

The Boys Who Killed Stephen Lawrence

Bremner, Bird and Fortune

Bring Back...Grange Hill

Britney and Kevin: Chaotic

Buffy the Career Slayer?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Californication

Carnivale

Catherine Tate Christmas Special

CBeebies website

Celebrity Big Brother

Celebrity Big Brother 2006

Celebrity Big Brother 2007

Celebrity Fit Club

Celebrity Love Island

The Charlotte Church Show

China

Christmas television review 2006

Comic Relief Does The Apprentice

Compulsion

The Contender

The Contender Season Two

Cutting Edge: My Kid's Psychic

Cutting Edge: Pram Face

The Dark Side Of Porn

The Dark Side Of Porn: Amateur Porn

Dead Ringers

Deadwood

Deadwood - a lament

Deadwood Season 3

Derek Acorah's Ghost Towns

Derren Brown: The Heist

Derren Brown's Russian Roulette

Derren Brown - Trick Or Treat

Dexter Season One

Dexter Season Two...

Dispatches: The Big Heist

Doctor Who

Dragons Den

Drive

EastEnders

Election 2005 coverage

Emily Parr - an apology

Escape to the Legion

Everybody Hates Chris

Extraordinary People - The Girl Who Makes Miracles

Extras

Extras Christmas special

Fat Beauty Contest

Feel The Force

Firefly - The Complete Series

Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir

Fonejacker

Friday Night Project

Going Cold Turkey

Guys And Dolls

Heroes

Heroes Season One Finale

Hidden Lives - Three In A Bed

House

HSBC adverts

I'm All Shook Up: Parkinson's at 25

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, 2006

Inside Waco

It's Me Or The Dog

Jericho

John From Cincinnati

Jordan and Peter: Marriage And Mayhem

Journeyman

jPod

Keys To The Vip

Keys To The Vip update - Aerial Telly bringing "people" together

King Of Shaves advert

Life on Mars

Life

Loose Women

Lost

Lost Season 2

Lost Season Three Finale

Lost Season 3: half-term report

Lost Season 3 Premiere

Mad Men

The Madness of Boy George

Mars Believe World Cup Campaign

Man vs Wild

Mary Archer

Michael Carroll: King Of Chavs

The Mitchell Brothers' Return

Monkey Dust

Morales v Barrera III

My Family

My Name Is Earl

My Penis And I

Nibble Nobby's Nuts adverts

Nigella

Neighbours 20th anniversary show

No Angels

Old Enough To Be His Mother

Oscars 2005

Party Animals

Peaches Geldof: Teen America

Pete Burns' Cosmetic Surgery Nightmares

The Peter Serafinowicz Show

The Pick-up Artist

Preston's Walk Out on Never Mind The Buzzcocks

Prison Break

Prison Break 2

Prison Break Season Two: half-term report

Prison Break Season Two Premiere

Prison Break Season Two Finale

Pulling

Big Brother's Big Mouth

Big Brother's Big Mouth

Channel 4

"Why don't you open the well of madness that is your mind?"  Russell Brand

What the fuck to make of Russell Brand? At first he seemed easily dismissible as a lineal descendant of the Wacky Family Tree of TV Presenters. You could imagine some Deuteronomy style verse in the future recalling "Timmy Mallett who begat Chris Evans who begat Russell Brand and, lo, the world did weep...". Yet now he has transformed himself into a national institution (the type they put your Aunt Doris in when she started eating cat food). Something of a household name, he dresses like a Dickensian supervillain and talks and acts like he's rushing through the matinee performance of Jack and the Beanstalk at the Theatre Royal, Brighton.

"Brand ambles around the studio like Roald Dahl's Big Friendly Giant diving into the midst of the audience, becoming overly tactile, baffling them with bizarre questions and generally being an overbearing smart-arse."

All of which makes Big Brother's Big Mouth really quite gripping viewing. Having dispensed with the more formal Big Brother's E-Fourum format Big Mouth removes the Question Time desk, offers more audience participation and a lot more of Russell. Brand ambles around the studio like Roald Dahl's Big Friendly Giant diving into the midst of the audience, becoming overly tactile, baffling them with bizarre questions and generally being an overbearing smart-arse. And the audience love it. He is often very funny and seems to know where he is every second the camera is on him.

"Vanessa Feltz... never less than willing to rattle off her insane opinions and give full value in her role as batty old witch."

He doesn't miss a trick and will simply not allow any lull in the proceedings. The "celebrity" guests brought in to comment on events in the Big Brother house often have little to say for themselves bar parroting back what the audience have just said and he won't let them off the hook, pummelling them with questions until they earn every penny of their £30 appearance fee. Vanessa Feltz is a notable exception to this, never less than willing to rattle off her insane opinions and give full value in her role as batty old witch.

Like Davina McCall, he is a recovering heroin addict and being one of those hugely self-aware narcissistic types he refers to this plenty in his stand-up and Big Mouth monologues. He also moonlights as a tabloid shag monster having apparently done the nasty with living skeleton Kate Moss and Big Brother inmates Kate, Becki and Makosi. He often references the public perception of him, discussing the "womanising circuit" he belongs to comprising channel swimming nookie king David Walliams and EastEnders love skunks Michael Greco and Dean Gaffney telling increasingly lurid fictional tales of their conquests and rivalry.

"It being ostensibly a public forum we unfortunately have to deal with members of public."

It being ostensibly a public forum we unfortunately have to deal with members of public coming out with stuff like: "I like Glyn - fancying that woman with big knockers and dyeing his hair blond". Doesn't take much to keep you happy, obviously. Although the phone calls to contestants' friends and relatives can throw up the odd gem as in last night's episode when Jennie's mom addressed dismal panellist Gina Yashere "to the lady who said Jennie was up Aisleyne's arse - at least she's small enough to get up there". The practicalities of that manoeuvre notwithstanding, it was pretty damn funny at the time.

"Brand credits his audience with a lot of intelligence and you need to be alert to keep up with the scattergun allusions, asides and mimicry."

Brand credits his audience with a lot of intelligence and you need to be alert to keep up with the scattergun allusions, asides and mimicry he fires from all angles. He has a good ear for the vocal quirks of the BB contestants, notably with a memorable impersonation of Susie "I nearly went A over T and I nearly banged my self on the C, it reminded me of a time when I was with my husband actually, he wanted to put his D into my C and he said 'can I put it into your A?', I said 'you'll be lucky if I swallow your S!'". How she would blush.

When Davina McCall finally has the Big Brother microphone wrested from her cold dead hands I can think of few more interesting choices than Russell Brand as her replacement. Defying description and simple pigeon-holing, the only thing you can definitively say about him is that he's good television - something you haven't been able to say about Davina for some time.

The best thing about it: Call me oddball but I like Rosebud the horse

The worst thing about it: Idiot members of the public being idiots.

The verdict on Big Brother's Big Mouth: More entertaining than the parent show, at the moment.

Marks out of 10: 8

Contact Aerial Telly


UKNova - We supply the latest stuff! The UK's premier TV download site

AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO LIFE

2007: your relationshit is going nowhere

2008 - Napoleon Boneypie finally faces her Waterloo.

50 ways to grieve your lover

Aerial Telly - Black Irish bastard with the heart of a warrior and the soul of a poet

Aerial Telly - high functioning sociopath with narcissistic tendencies

Aerial Telly is not saying he had sex with Kate McCann but...

Aerial Telly loves Joni Mitchell but Little Green is not a deeply moving account of a mother's love for her child. It is an account of how Joni Mitchell gave up her child for money, fame and cock

Aerial Telly will not be sexing Doctor Kate McCann

Amy, for the love of God eat some chips you loopy cunt

Apology for slavery

The big veiny cock arms of love are strangling Brad Pitt

Get stuffed you creeps - Aerial Telly is the best thing that ever happened to you and you know it

Handsome, talented and a sensational lay - but life is not all roses for Aerial Telly

Happy Christmas cock smokers

Having trouble with your long-turd relationshit? Relax, it's not just you.

It was the best of weeks, it was the worst of weeks

Kate McCann requests Aerial Telly phone number.

Ladies - time to ditch the borefriend and get with a real man

Let's get this straight - they drugged her, killed her, sat on her body for three weeks then dumped her in the ocean? Fuck you, Johnny Incompetentos...

Mea culpa - you a cunta

"Meet the parents" or "destroy what is left of her shattered self-esteem"

Never forgive, never forget, never for fun

Never mind that the case against them stinks like a hogwhore's cunt - just keep bullying the parents

No, Foxy Knoxy - Aerial Telly will not be representing your interests

She came again today

So, the girl you love has got a ginger borefriend

Stop your nonsense, ladies...Aerial Telly is single, sane and straight

Sympathy For The Devil

Who the fuck is Mick Jagger?

You're the only Aerial Telly reader whose girlfriend is safe from him

Your breath smells like a thousand miles of shit.

 

AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO BETTING

200,000 undersexed schlubs have the weekend of their lives after following Aerial Telly's betting advice

Aerial Telly's bookie - rest in peace, loser

Aerial Telly shows a hell of a lot of class by not celebrating yet another night of betting glory

Aerial Telly wins crushing victory against forces of darkness - bookmaker on suicide watch

Big Brother betting. Brian at 1.83 - have you freaks lost your minds?

Joe Calzaghe is going to beat Mikkel Kessler

Listen up, fuckwads - Floyd Mayweather to beat Oscar De La Hoya on points at anything over 8/11 is the bet of the year

O'Neill at 4.5? Lay that motherfucker with everything you've got

OK, you Appalachian pissdrinkers get this - Winky Wright to beat Bernard Hopkins at evens is a phenomenal bet, the type that comes around once a century

Ricky Fatton CAN beat Floyd Mayweather. But the value is Ugly Boy Floyd at 1.57

Scandinavian betting giant's eyes water as they take a balls deep ass fucking from Aerial Telly

Yes, Aerial Telly puts his money where his miggedy mouth is

You'd have to be a total kiddy fiddler not to back Ricky Hatton against Jose Luis Castillo when Bet Direct are offering 1.62

 

TV REVIEWS (cont'd)

Pushing Daisies series premiere...

Richard and Judy

Rome Season One

Saxondale

The Secret Life of A Manic Depressive

The Secret Policemen's Ball

Seduction School: Size Doesn't Matter

Sex Addict

Seymour Butts

Shameless

Shameless Season 4

Shane

The Shield

The Shield - Season Five Finale

The Shield - Season 6

Skins

Smoking Room

The Sopranos Season 6

Space Cadets

The Spy Who Stole My Life

State of the TV Nation Address

Stepkids In Love

Studs of Suburbia

Supernanny

Surviving Disaster

Take That... for the Record

Talk to me

Ted Bundy - Natural Porn Killer

The Thick Of It

This Life +10

This World: Kidnap Cops

Too Ugly For Love

TV's Naughtiest Blunders

Unanimous

Veronica Mars

Veronica Mars Season Three Half-term Report

Veronica Mars Season Two

Veronica Mars Season Three Premiere

Veronica Mars Season Three finale

A Very Social Secretary

Weeds

Weeds Season 3

When Lineker Met Maradona

Wimbledon coverage

The Wire

The Wire, Season 4

The Wire Season 5 Premiere

World Cup coverage

World's Deadliest Gangs

X Factor 2005

X-Factor 2007

Zoo Magazine adverts

 

FILM REVIEWS

28 Weeks Later

American Gangster

Apocalypto

Atonement

The Bourne Ultimatum

Control

Dawn Of The Dead

The Departed

The Descent

Fahrenheit 9/11

Hard Candy

Lust, Caution

Notes On A Scandal

Once

Open Water

Pan's Labyrinth

Rocky Balboa

Saw

Super Size Me

United 93

When the Levees Broke

 

MISC REVIEWS

40 Pupils Suspended For Bullying

Amazon Review Scum

Aerial Telly forever - Birmingham arts scene scum never

Blowjob monologues and the like

Ellen MacArthur

Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir

An Illustrated History of Dis

Fooled By Randomness

Hip-hop

Listen up, douchebags: Larry Merchant KO1 murdering rapist hype merchant scum that constitute boxing's deal-making fight-avoiding turd elite

Morales v Barrera III

Music Sounds Better With You(tube)

NME cool list

Paralympics

Playlouder Reviews

Stan Collymore

The Streets

Vertigolf

We Expose Palace Security As A Bag Of Shite