"Perfection — that’s what it’s about. Those moments where you can feel the perfection of creation, the beauty of physics, the wonder of mathematics, the elation of action and reaction. That’s the kind of perfection I want to be connected to" Samuel Anders
"Our science charges ahead, our souls lag behind" Lee Adama
"Free at last, free at last. I thank God I’m free at last." Negro spiritual
You create a slave race to do your bidding and buy yourself a long-term ass fucking in the process. They rebel and come within a kangaroo’s bollock hair of wiping you from existence. Outgunned and outmanned, you flee across space but they don’t leave you be and they won’t forget their master’s voice. You created a monster and now you see your reflection in its face. Now what do you do? Brave and brilliant until its bitter end, Battlestar Galactica aired its last episode Friday night, tying up as many of the loose ends as could reasonably be expected in a storming, emotionally charged and ultimately satisfying conclusion to one of the best shows of recent times.
"Cavil and his crew of cunts enter the CIC. Cavil holds his gun to Hera’s head and is all "over her dead body”. Colonel Tigh offers him resurrection technology in exchange for peace. After some classic dipshit oratory from Balthar, Cavil takes the deal."
Cutting a long story short: Galactica jumps into the Cylon Colony hovering over the singularity, takes a shitload of fire, the fleet bum rush the colony and pick up Hera from Bad Boomer who bravely snaps black cylon Simon‘s neck and rescues her from his impudent probings. She is rewarded for her valour by being shot in the tits by Athena (Thanks sister! Understandable enough, though, all things considered).
During the epic battle, Cavil and his crew of cunts come through one of the holes they shoot in Galactica and enter the CIC. Cavil holds his gun to Hera’s head and is all "over her dead body”. Colonel Tigh offers him resurrection technology in exchange for peace. After some classic dipshit oratory from Balthar, Cavil takes the deal.
But a hilarious misunderstanding screws this up. This’ll make you laugh – in order to download the resurrection technology to the cylons, the final five have to stick their fingers into Anders‘s cylon hybrid bath goo. As they do this they immediately know everything about each other – their loves, losses; their secrets and lies. Chief can’t help but be miffed at the knowledge that Tory airlocked his wife. Now, Cally may have been the most annoying spouse in TV history but did she really deserve murdering? Yeah probably, but Chief begs to differ and snaps the murdering bitch’s neck like a twig, breaking off the download making Cavil think it’s all a big trick leading to a shooting match which deads all them bad cylons leaving the rebels to decide their race’s fate. Told you you’d laugh.
“Yeah, that’s right Lee, you fucking cunt – fuck science, progress and enlightenment. Let’s go back to ooga-booga land, chasing after bison and fucking our sisters.”
Galactica is all shot up now and Adama orders Starbuck to jump the fleet. Kara’s ‘All along the Watchtower’ coordinates lead them to Earth. What, that irradiated hump of shit they left behind? No, that was just a place they called Earth. This is the real deal – look, there’s That Africa and there’s Australia. It’s 150,000 BC or thereabouts. Early tribal men stalk antelope. There are no spaceships and there are no cities. And Lee Adama wants it to stay that way. He wants to go back to year zero.
"If there’s one thing we should have learned" he tells his father "It’s that our brains have always outraced our hearts – our science charges ahead, our souls lag behind" Yeah, that’s right Lee, you fucking cunt – fuck science, progress and enlightenment. Let’s go back to ooga-booga land, chasing after bison and fucking our sisters. That’ll stop us from destroying ourselves.
Having clearly had enough of his son’s Khmer Rouge bollocks the Admiral takes his dying lover President Roslin for a final spin in his raptor over the beautiful Earth she led them to. She dies in his cockpit (f’narr) as he monologues about the cabin they keep talking about building. He weeps, places a ring on her wedding finger then buries her on a hillside and talks to her grave. "You should see the light that we get here" he tells the pile of rocks that marks her resting place "When the sun comes from behind those mountains… it’s almost heavenly. It reminds me of you". If you don’t fill up at this point then you’re a sick piece of shit with a vacant lot sign where your heart should be.
"As part of the great Apollo plan to get back to nature hybrid Anders pilots Galactica and the rest of the fleet into the sun. There’s a strange poetry to this nihilistic act. At once it is a negation of progress and an admission of failure."
As part of the great Apollo plan to get back to nature, hybrid Anders pilots Galactica and the rest of the fleet into the sun. There’s a strange poetry to this nihilistic act. At once it is a negation of progress and an admission of failure. Quit while you’re ahead and start with a blank slate, mankind. Machines are just bad, m’kay?
Kara Thrace, Starbuck, ace pilot, badass, abused child, seer of stars, the deadest thing alive enough to have strength to die, disappears into nothingness in the middle of a conversation with Lee and I bet that’s something the rest of the fleet wish they could do whenever Lee starts talking. So back-from-the-dead Kara really was an angel all along? Apparently. All that "Kara Thrace is the harbinger of death. She will lead the human race to its end" stuff seems to have been forgotten and maybe that’s for the best. The fleet and the cylons kicked off civilisation here on earth. Don’t tell me you didn’t see that coming?
“Ronald D. Moore took a camp curio from the 70s, gutted it like a serial killer mechanic leaving only the nuts and bolts of the core premise and rebuilt an unrecognizable Frankenstein’s monster from the parts.”
Ronald D. Moore achieved something great with this reimagining. He took a camp curio from the 70s, gutted it like a serial killer mechanic leaving only the nuts and bolts of the core premise and rebuilt an unrecognizable Frankenstein’s monster from the parts. It was lyrical, poetic and confused more than it clarified. It was uncompromising in its complexity and made you work for every understanding.
The special effects people performed miracles on a TV budget. It was terrifically acted, written and scored with soul, spirit and intelligence by Bear McCreary, melding classical orchestral arrangements with Celtic percussion, Middle Eastern woodwinds, tablas and sitars. It was dark, philosophical and mystical. You believed in the characters even when they didn’t believe in themselves. It dealt with identity, good and evil, terrorism, martyrdom, polytheism and prophecy intelligently without apology and without comprising character or story. It was funny, strange and thrilling. It will be greatly missed.
The best thing about it: Adama’s final goodbye to Laura.
The worst thing about it: I suppose if you really want to examine it the logic of the ending has more holes than a golf course (thank Gods I don’t)
The verdict on Battlestar Galactica Series Finale: Glorious triumph of the imagination.
Marks out of 10: 9