Baileys Christmas advert 2013

Baileys Christmas advert 2013 | Cream – get on top

Published by jamdog on 16th December, 2013.

 review

Your imaginary girlfriend’s TV

The two-minute Baileys Christmas advert, a reimagining of Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker, begins with three broads walking through the wintry forest. They’re all pretty decent but the redhead in the centre is a real every holer – a sock drawer destroyer if ever there were one. They enter the Christmas event they were heading towards and are immediately handed complimentary glasses of Baileys which they will start sipping any second now.

They’re all pretty decent but the redhead in the centre is a real every holer – a sock drawer destroyer if ever there were one.

But wait. Red has caught the eye of a nice boy in a red military jacket. There’s about a one in 3 billion chance he’s heterosexual but looking like she does Red likes those odds and with a twirl and a twinkle they ballet dance like bastards in front of the assembled throng.

There’s about a one in 3 billion chance he’s heterosexual but looking like she does Red likes those odds

For some reason beyond all reckoning their chaste dancing provokes the ire of a blackhearted monster in a leather waistcoat (played by X Factor shitbird Rylan Clark) who fronts up the nice boy and makes it very clear that the cockblock is on. A homoerotic ballet dance of death ensues between the two men – a spectacle which bores Red so badly she kicks Waistcoat right in the fucking jaw before returning to her friends.

A homoerotic ballet dance of ensues between the two men – a spectacle which bores Red so badly she kicks Waistcoat right in the fucking jaw.

SPEND TIME WITH THE GIRLS THIS CHRISTMAS the caption reads as the ladies return to their giggling and drinking – finally they can get lagging. It is quite possible to read the slogan either as referring to the two male ballet dancers or as a sisters-before-misters rallying cry.

 It may taste like a dessert but drank in enough quantity Baileys will fuck you up as good as any biker meth.

Either way Baileys’ endorsement of drunken misandrist violence seems to be quite a bold departure for the brand. It may taste like a dessert but drank in enough quantity Baileys will fuck you up as good as any biker meth. That’s the new message and you can eat a dick for every day on the advent calendar if you don’t like it.

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Baileys Christmas advert 2013
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