Worried About the Boy review

AA Gill is a beast

Published by jamdog on 9th August, 2013.

AA Gill is a beast

The second best priest

A year ago when Aerial Telly gave his definitive breakdown of the significant television critics, the Times critic AA Gill only got a passing mention. He had only read a handful of reviews at this stage and was unfamiliar with much of his work. But being the voracious reader he is has afforded him the opportunity to catch up with Gill’s work and he is now quite happy to say the following: AA Gill is a beast of television criticism and the majority of fools masquerading as chroniclers of the vision that is tele are not fit to fondle his remote.

“Gill is a Scotch which is very likely the cause of his dyslexia – a cruel condition, which forces the savage unintelligible Jock to dictate his copy down the phone while his English and therefore socially acceptable girlfriend catches his drool in a plastic bowl.”

The Gill is best known for his restaurant reviews which have earned him the kind of fear and respect that Aerial Telly engenders in the bookmaking community1. One particular review got him kicked in the tits by Gordon Ramsay and rudely escorted to the door of his restaurant. Such is the lot of the jungle cat that fears nothing and is beholden to no human cocksucker.

His television reviews hold similar power. He correctly noted how “Keeley Hawes couldn’t arrest an audience if she came on naked with a “This Way Up” sticker on her bottom.”, paid tribute to Piers Morgan as “the most amateurishly unpleasant, small-minded, bottom-sniffing, drip-dry tosspot to grace your living room” and has an unrivalled 2 ability to say the thing you are not clever enough to think of in a way that makes you feel like you knew it all along.

“So a few things are now clear. Firstly, that AA Gill is not man but beast – a feral, snorting, cloven hoofed brute who devours everything in his path.”

Gill is a Scotch which is very likely the cause of his dyslexia – a cruel condition, which Aerial Telly confesses a certain ignorance of, but his understanding is that it forces the savage unintelligible Jock to dictate his copy down the phone while his English and therefore socially acceptable girlfriend catches his drool in a plastic bowl held underneath his chin. His triumph over disability makes his achievements all the more remarkable.

Television and food are but a portion of his work. He has dealt with the the fight for the soul of the Royal Geographical Society, turned a hairdryer on the frozen cypher of the Icelandic economy and his piece on the Battle of Towton is as good a piece of historical journalism as you will ever read.

So a few things are now clear. Firstly, that AA Gill is not man but beast – a feral, snorting, cloven hoofed brute who devours everything in his path.

Secondly, that he has earned his title of the second best television critic currently operating.

Thirdly: AA Gill could steal your woman.

 

1 A “community” which consists of 367 sexually bereft, morbidly obese, financially sautéed, foreclosure threatened “men” huddled around tables in a church hall discussing ways they can deal with the Aerial Telly threat.

2 Aerial Telly does not rival, he surpasses.

Related posts:

Tags: Categories: Miscellaneous

Facebook

Like the review? Try the e-books

Comments are closed.