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TV REVIEWS
9/11 Faker
10 Years Younger
24: Season 4
24: Season 5
24 Season 5 finale
24: Season 6
24 Season 7
30 Rock
Abi Titmuss
Aerial Telly Awards 2005
Aerial Telly Awards 2006
Aerial Telly Awards 2007
Aerial Telly Awards 2008
Aerial Telly search queries
Aerial Telly search queries 2
Aerial Telly search queries 3
Aerial Comment
"Ah fuck it - the cunt bit me" - a Steve Irwin tribute
Alive: Back To The Andes
Amy Winehouse on Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Amy Winehouse on the Charlotte Church show
Anti-Social Old Buggers
The Apprentice
The Apprentice Series Three Final
The Apprentice Series 3 half-term report
The Apprentice Season 4
The Apprentice Series 4 Finale
The Apprentice Season 5
The Armstrongs
Arrested Development
Ashes to Ashes
Balderdash And Piffle
Battered Men: Hidden Lives
Battlestar Galactica Season 3
Battlestar Galactica Season 3 finale
Battlestar Galactica Season 4
Battlestar Galactica Season 4 mid-season finale
Battlestar Galactica Series Finale
Battlestar Galactica: Sometimes a Great Notion
Battlestar Galactica: Toaster loving - had me a blast
Beauty And The Geek
Being Human
Bernard Manning From Beyond the Grave
Bernard Matthews Golden Moments
Big Brother 2005
Big Brother 2006 Launch Night
Big Brother 2007
Big Brother 2007: Get that chickenhead hoodrat out
Big Brother 2008
Big Brother 2008 - It's a Wonderful Life (when you're not in it, bitch
Big Brother 2008 - Mario must die
Big Brother 2008: Stuart tapped the compassion vending machine and it toppled over and fell on top of him
Big Brother's Big Mouth
Big Brother, Emily Parr and racism
Big Brother got no gas, Sienna Miller got no ass, Mark Ronson got no class
Big Brother poetry
Big Brother, Shilpa Shetty and racism
Bionic Woman pre-air pilot
Bo! in the USA
Bodies
Bodies series finale
Body Shock: Half Ton Man
Bollocks To Cancer
Bonekickers
The Boys Who Killed Stephen Lawrence
Breaking Bad
Bremner, Bird and Fortune
Bring Back...Grange Hill
Britney and Kevin: Chaotic
Buffy the Career Slayer?
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Californication
Caprica pilot
Carnivale
Catherine Tate Christmas Special
CBeebies website
Celebrity Big Brother
Celebrity Big Brother 2006
Celebrity Big Brother 2007
Celebrity Big Brother 2009
Celebrity Fit Club
Celebrity Love Island
The Charlotte Church Show
China
Christmas television review 2006
Comic Relief Does The Apprentice
Coming Of Age
Compulsion
The Contender
The Contender Season Two
Criminal Justice
Cutting Edge: My Kid's Psychic
Cutting Edge: Pram Face
Damages
The Dark Side Of Porn
The Dark Side Of Porn: Amateur Porn
Dead Ringers
Deadwood
Deadwood - a lament
Deadwood Season 3
Derek Acorah's Ghost Towns
Derren Brown: The Heist
Derren Brown's Russian Roulette
Derren Brown - Trick Or Treat
Dexter Season One
Dexter Season Two
Diane Vickers: the claw, the whore, the bore
Dispatches: The Big Heist
Doctor Who
Dollhouse series premiere
Dragons Den
Drive
EastEnders
Election 2005 coverage
Emily Parr - an apology
Entourage Season 5 Premiere
Escape to the Legion
Euro 2008 TV coverage
Everybody Hates Chris
Extraordinary People - The Girl Who Makes Miracles
Extras
Extras Christmas special
Fat Beauty Contest
Feel The Force
Firefly - The Complete Series
Fix My Fat Head
Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir
Fonejacker
Friday Night Project
Generation Kill
Going Cold Turkey
Guys And Dolls
Hannah Bradbeer - wide forehead having X Factor goddess
Heather Mills: what really happened
Heroes
Heroes Season One Finale
Hidden Lives - Three In A Bed
House
How Not To Live Your Life
HSBC adverts
I'm All Shook Up: Parkinson's at 25
I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here
I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, 2006
I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here 2008
In This Corner
The Inbetweeners
Inside Waco
It's Me Or The Dog
Jericho
John From Cincinnati
Jordan and Peter: Marriage And Mayhem
Joss Stone Cadbury's Flake advert
Joss Whedon's Dollhouse will be the greatest television show in history
Journeyman
jPod
Keys To The Vip
Keys To The Vip update - Aerial Telly bringing "people" together
The Kill Point
King Of Shaves advert
Kings
Life
The Life and Times of Tim
Life on Mars
Loose Women
Lost
Lost Season 2
Lost Season 3 Finale
Lost Season 3: half-term report
Lost Season 3 Premiere
Lost Season 4 Half Term report
Lost Season 5
Mad Men
Mad Men Season 2
Mad Men Season 2 Finale
The Madness of Boy George
Mars Believe World Cup Campaign
Man vs Wild
Mary Archer
The Mentalist
Michael Carroll: King Of Chavs
Midseason reflections 2009
The Mitchell Brothers' Return
Monkey Dust
Morales v Barrera III
My Family
My Name Is Earl
My Penis And I
Nibble Nobby's Nuts adverts
Nigella
Neighbours 20th anniversary show
No Angels
No Heroics
Old Enough To Be His Mother
Oscars 2005
Party Animals
Peaches Geldof: Teen America
Pete Burns' Cosmetic Surgery Nightmares
The Peter Serafinowicz Show
The Pick-up Artist
The Pickup Artist Season 2 Premiere
Preston's Walk Out on Never Mind The Buzzcocks
Prison Break
Prison Break 2
Prison Break Season Two: half-term report
Prison Break Season Two Premiere
Prison Break Season Two Finale
Prison Break Season 4 Half Term Report
Prison Break Series Finale
Pulling |
24 Season Four
FOX
In a nutshell: post 9/11 counter-terrorism
The 411: If television is narcotics (and who can seriously
argue that it is not?) then 24 is its crack cocaine - instantly
addictive, bringing mayhem and destruction wherever it goes.
"If television is narcotics then 24 is its crack cocaine - instantly addictive, bringing mayhem and destruction wherever it goes."
Kim has packed her 48 tight T-shirts and
gone to Europe with Chase - apparently recovered from having
his hand hacked off by Jack in the previous season's finale
(long story - there was this briefcase, see - oh look, it was
for his own good and they sewed it back on - it's amazing what
they can do these days).
We left season three with Jack blubbing like
Apple Paltrow in his black SUV so it's not surprising that
season four kicks off with Jack out of CTU and in the arms
of a new lover. Meet Audrey: the daughter of Jack's new boss,
Defence Secretary James Heller.
Despite the three of them working together
daddy doesn't know about Jack and Audrey. "You'll have
to tell him", Jack tells Audrey, "He's a very shrewd
man"
Not that shrewd, apparently. There's sexual
tension you can cut with a hacksaw and daddy dearest still
thinks Audrey goes home alone.
You'd think the women entering into Jack's
life would be a bit more cautious. Just a brief glimpse at
his shagiography - Wife: Terri kidnapped, raped, then
killed by Jack's Lover: Nina, kidnapped, evil, jailed,
freed, evil then killed. By Jack.
And then there's Daughter: Kim,
kidnapped more often than Penelope Pitstop, the girl is a walking
loon magnet, menaced by everything from right-wing militia
guys to wild cougars.
"As if all that wasn't bad enough her CTU Field Ops boyfriend has his hand hacked off. By Jack...."
As if all that wasn't bad enough her CTU
Field Ops boyfriend has his hand hacked off. By Jack. (Look,
I've told you - it was for his own good and if you stick a
bag of frozen peas on it there's a good chance of the surgeons
lobbing it back on. And if not - makes an excellent conversation
piece or paperweight)
But still the velvet voice and 5 o'clock
stubble at three in the morning wins them over. Living with
a lightning rod for trouble has its advantages. You get to
go places you've never seen (inside the boot of an SUV), meet
interesting people (international terrorists, rapists) and
I hear CTU has a bitching pension plan (not that you'll see
the benefit of it, the average life-expectancy of Jack's girlfriends
being that of an asbestos mining mayfly).
Did I mention Jack's not above a bit of torture
and mutilation to get the job done - slaughtering and decapitating
a child pornographer to win the trust of a criminal (the head
delivered in a holdall - nice!). So it's hardly surprising
that two episodes into season four he's knee-capping a terror
suspect (yes that's right, suspect).
"All you have to worry about at Guantanamo
Bay is the occasional human pyramid and barking dog."
All you have to worry about at Guantanamo
Bay is the occasional human pyramid and barking dog. I'm sure
Jack's victim was longing for that kind of treatment as he
picked his patella out of the carpet. You know when you've
been Bauered, fool! The ICU nurses are a dead giveaway.
The biggest problem 24 faces is the law of
diminishing returns. Season one had the President threatened
with assassination and Jack's wife and daughter held hostage.
Season two had the threat of a nuclear bomb killing 1 million
people. Season three had the prospect of millions dying through
biological terrorism. Where do you go from there? Global annihilation
is so James Bond.
Season four has nothing like the impact of
the first three and it suffers because of it. This is the ultimate
impact television, after all. Slow-paced character development
is not on - even if we have the magnificent Chloe with her
wrecking ball abruptness and hysterical lack of social skills.
At the moment, four episodes in, it feels like we're treading
very familiar ground.
"It always comes back to Jack - velvet voiced nonce decapitator,
homicidal hand-hacker and modern day superhero."
Now that the threats are not as exciting,
the focus will come back on the main attraction. In the end,
it always comes back to Jack - velvet voiced nonce decapitator,
homicidal hand-hacker and modern day superhero.
He makes his own rules.
The best thing about it: The retention of Chloe - potato faced Rain Girl.
The worst thing about it: The loss of Michelle, Tony and Kim's T-shirts.
The verdict on 24: The light may be dimming but it's still outshines most of the rest.
Marks out of 10: 7.5

Contact
Aerial Telly
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AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO LIFE
10 reasons why you're scum if you smoke
2007: your relationshit is going nowhere
2008 - Napoleon Boneypie finally faces her Waterloo
2009 - Aerial Telly keeps coming
50 ways to grieve your lover
Aerial Telly - Black Irish bastard with the heart of a warrior and the soul of a poet
Aerial Telly's favourite TV critics
Aerial Telly - high functioning sociopath with narcissistic tendencies
Aerial Telly is not saying he had sex with Kate McCann but....
Aerial Telly loves Joni Mitchell but Little Green is not a deeply moving account of a mother's love for her child. It is an account of how Joni Mitchell gave up her child for money, fame and cock
Aerial Telly's favourite TV critics
Aerial Telly - sensitive, damaged, wounded yet lionhearted when it comes to the crunch
Aerial Telly will not be sexing Doctor Kate McCann
Amy, for the love of God eat some chips you loopy cunt
Aniston: Jolie's cock arms are 'very uncool'
Apology for slavery
The BBC played with Aerial Telly and all they got was an anal fissure, bruised scrotum, perforated eardrum, fractured occipital lobe, post traumatic stress disorder and the biggest face full of cum ever unleashed in peacetime
The big veiny cock arms of love are strangling Brad Pitt
Gerald McClellan - dog murdering bastard who felt God's fury
Get stuffed you creeps - Aerial Telly is the best thing that ever happened to you and you know it
Give me any backchat and I'll circumcise your face with a knife dipped in shit
God bless the ginger balls of our brave assassin Prince
Got the time, bruv?
Greta Scacchi, insane cock-crazed beauty who boned her cousin
Handsome, talented and a sensational lay - but life is not all roses for Aerial Telly
Happy Christmas cock smokers
Having trouble with your long-turd relationshit? Relax, it's not just you.
Insurance is for punks, credit is for the weak and self-knowledge is a road seldom travelled by the multitude
It was the best of weeks, it was the worst of weeks
Kate McCann requests Aerial Telly phone number.
Ladies - Aerial Telly be loving you long time but preferring cats to children gets you a flea in the ear and the shortest shrift you EVER saw
Ladies - time to ditch the borefriend and get with a real man
Let's get this straight - they drugged her, killed her, sat on her body for three weeks then dumped her in the ocean? Fuck you, Johnny Incompetentos...
The Mamas and the Papas rocked
Mea culpa - you a cunta
"Meet the parents" or "destroy what is left of her shattered self-esteem"
Natasha Collins and Mark Speight, saying NO to drugs and the self pitying twerps who use them
Never forgive, never forget, never for fun
Never mind that the case against them stinks like a hogwhore's cunt - just keep bullying the parents
No, Foxy Knoxy - Aerial Telly will not be representing your interests
OK Peter Hill, Daily Express "editor", I'm calling you out, you lying douchebag punk motherfucker shitbag son of a bitch
The punk bitch ass parents who complained Cerrie Burnell should have their children taken off them
Roy Keane resigns like the traitorous bog savage, ignorant culchie mouth breather, overspending underachieving shitheel, violent thug, quitter he is.
She came again today
So, the girl you love has got a ginger borefriend
So, you finally cooked for her - is there anything in life that you can't fuck up?
So, you're on holiday with your girl
So, you finally settled for what you knew you could hang on to
Stop your nonsense, ladies... Aerial Telly is single, sane and straight
Sympathy For The Devil
Who the fuck is Mick Jagger?
You're the only Aerial Telly reader whose girlfriend is safe from him
Your breath smells like a thousand miles of shit.
AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO BETTING
200,000 undersexed schlubs have the weekend of their lives after following Aerial Telly's betting advice
Aerial Telly's bookie - rest in peace, loser
Aerial Telly flies across the Atlantic to put his cock in Roy Jones's mouth to silence the chicken torturer forever, making a mockery of the so-called boxing "experts" predictions
Aerial Telly - love and compassion in his heart, cash money in his wallet and your girl on his jock
Aerial Telly's refusal to take inferior prices on Miguel Cotto means he wins AGAIN
Aerial Telly shows a hell of a lot of class by not celebrating yet another night of betting glory
Aerial Telly wins crushing victory against forces of darkness - bookmaker on suicide watch
Amir Khan World Champion before the end of the year? Get the fuck out of here.
Amir Khan played with Aerial Telly and all he got was a broken jaw, a face full of cum and a crate full of broken dreams
Antonio Margarito is a cheating sick piece of shit who should be banned from boxing for life for stealing victory from Aerial Telly and Miguel Cotto should be reinstated as the rightful welterweight champion of the world
The beast Miguel Cotto is going to buttfuck Antonio Margarito, piss in his face, then stomp him to death in front of a horrified bipartisan crowd as Margarito's wife weeps bitter tears before swearing revenge against the savage Puerto Rican and all his countrymen.
Bernard Hopkins v Joe Calzaghe is going the distance
Big Brother betting. Brian at 1.83 - have you freaks lost your minds?
Cotto v Margarito - Aerial Telly's boundless compassion means he can't get a wedge on at the correct price
Emmanuel Dapidran Pacquiao is going to beat Richard John Hatton MBE
Joe Calzaghe is going to beat Mikkel Kessler
Joke Calslappy will murder chicken torturing, child support avoiding, dog murderer Roid Jones
Juan Díaz es el Bebé Bull pero Juan Manuel Marquez es El Matador
Juan Manuel Marquez murders Juan Diaz to keep Aerial Telly's phenomenal win streak running
Listen up, fuckwads - Floyd Mayweather to beat Oscar De La Hoya on points at anything over 8/11 is the bet of the year
Manny Pacquiao is this generation's Roberto Duran and Aerial Telly is this generation's Ace Rothstein, Giacomo Casanova and George Orwell combined
Manny Pacquiao, the Mexicutioner, has killed more Mexicans than the maquiladoras
Manny Pacquiao, the Mexicutioner, Harvester of Souls, is the greatest fighter that ever lived
O'Neill at 4.5? Lay that motherfucker with everything you've got
OK, you Appalachian pissdrinkers get this - Winky Wright to beat Bernard Hopkins at evens is a phenomenal bet, the type that comes around once a century
Paulie Malignaggi is the biggest turd in boxing history and Aerial Telly is a first ballot Hall of Famer whose genius for calling the big fights is unparalleled
Ricky Fatton CAN beat Floyd Mayweather. But the value is Ugly Boy Floyd at 1.57
Ricky Hatton will get yet further brain damage if he faces Amir Khan
Roid Jones jnr? You must be joking, Joke
Scandinavian betting giant's eyes water as they take a balls deep ass fucking from Aerial Telly
Turdmain Failure will show Carl Froch that there is more to boxing than the ability to be punched in the face repeatedly without falling over
Turdmain Failure is the worst bastard in the history of forever
When Ricky Hatton beats Paulie Malignaggi like Aerial Telly readers beat their Johnsons, "people" will wonder why the price was 1.48 just days before the massacre
Yes, Aerial Telly puts his money where his miggedy mouth is
You'd have to be a total kiddy fiddler not to back Ricky Hatton against Jose Luis Castillo when Bet Direct are offering 1.62
TV REVIEWS (cont'd)
Pushing Daisies series premier.
Red Riding
Richard and Judy
Rome Season One
Sarah Connor Chronicles Season 2 Finale
Saxondale
The Secret Life of A Manic Depressive
The Secret Policemen's Ball
Seduction School: Size Doesn't Matter
Sex Addict
Seymour Butts
Shameless
Shameless Season 4
Shameless Season 6
Shane
The Shield
The Shield - Season Five Finale
The Shield - Season 6
The Shield series finale
Six Feet Under
Skins
Skins Season 2
Smoking Room
Sons of Anarchy
The Sopranos Season 6
Space Cadets
The Spy Who Stole My Life
State of the TV Nation Address
Stepkids In Love
Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle
Studs of Suburbia
Summer Heights High
Supernanny
Surviving Disaster
Take That... for the Record
Talk to me
Ted Bundy - Natural Porn Killer
Terminator - The Sarah Connor Chronicles
The Thick Of It
This Life +10
This World: Kidnap Cops
Too Ugly For Love
True Blood
TV's Naughtiest Blunders
Unanimous
Underbelly
United States of Tara
The Unusuals
Veronica Mars
Veronica Mars Season Three Half-term Report
Veronica Mars Season Two
Veronica Mars Season Three Premiere
Veronica Mars Season Three finale
A Very Social Secretary
Weeds
Weeds Season 3
When Lineker Met Maradona
Wimbledon coverage
The Wire Season 3
The Wire, Season 4
The Wire Season 5 Premiere
The Wire Series Finale
World Cup coverage
World's Deadliest Gangs
X Factor 2005
X-Factor 2007
Zoo Magazine adverts
FILM REVIEWS
28 Weeks Later
2 Days In Paris
American Gangster
Apocalypto
Atonement
The Bank Job
The Bourne Ultimatum
Changeling
Clubbed
Control
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Dawn Of The Dead
The Departed
The Descent
Fahrenheit 9/11
Hard Candy
Ils (Them)
In Bruges
Juno
Lars and the Real Girl
Let The Right One In
Lust, Caution
Man on Wire
Martyrs
Notes On A Scandal
Once
Open Water
Pan's Labyrinth
Rocky Balboa
Saw
Super Size Me
Tyson
United 93
WALL-E
When the Levees Broke
The Wrestler
Zodiac
MISC REVIEWS
40 Pupils Suspended For Bullying
Amazon Review Scum
Aerial Telly forever - Birmingham arts scene scum never
Blowjob monologues and the like
Ellen MacArthur
Everything is retro, funky and kitsch on eBay nowadays
Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir
From Hell
An Illustrated History of Dis
Fooled By Randomness
Hip-hop
Indie kids - munching on cock all day, every day, from now until forever
Listen up, douchebags: Larry Merchant KO1 murdering rapist hype merchant scum that constitute boxing's deal-making fight-avoiding turd elite
Morales v Barrera III
Music Sounds Better With You(tube)
NME cool list
Paralympics
Playlouder Reviews
Roid Jones jnr? You must be joking, Joke
Stan Collymore
The Streets
Vertigolf
War Winehouse!
We Expose Palace Security As A Bag Of Shite
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